Month: October 2017

Alarm went off to take meds this morning and I just couldn’t get back to sleep, so I got up. Actually was pretty late for me now, about 6:20 AM. Could be because I had gas last night that kept me awake until about 2 AM. It was OK, I watched Game 5 we recorded while we had dinner at Disneyland with the kids last night. Recording got me through about 1/2 of the top of the 9th. I missed the Yasiel Puig hit that tied the game up and all the action after that. I had to go on-line to look up what happened the last 17 minutes or so. Went to bed just a little disappointed. Not only have I not won one of the Game score cards, but the Dodgers lost as well. Oh well, it is turning out to be a great WS, with both teams playing hard and showing their stuff. I’ve loved every minute of this series.

Today was shopping day. Because I was up, and hubby really wanted to mow the front lawn and start getting ready for tomorrow – Halloween, I fed the cat while he started sprucing up the front yard. When he came in I was just coming back in from feeding the cat as well. Decided we would get ready at that point to tackle the groceries for the week. I am still tired and shaky from this cycle, and last night did wear me out a bit, but I was game.

We had to go to Costco, Trader Joe’s and either Albertson’s or Pavilion’s. We hit Costco first, picked up our two items (2 packages of Roast Beast for the Toothless Wonder Cat), and while I stood in line while Hubby went to grab another item, met a great gentleman in line. I was wearing my pink chemo hat that I made during the infusion of cycle 1. It was just a bit nippley today, so a hat was called for. He took one look at me and asked my how long have I been in my fight. I looked up at this big, burly man and saw a gentle giant with a heart of gold looking back at me with hope and concern in his eyes. Told him just heading into my second month.

He had Testicular cancer stage III. His wife left him upon diagnosis and he was left with a toddler and an infant to take care while going through 7 months of chemo before surgery. Talk about inspiration! I told him so far the chemo has been OK, just getting super tired for the most part. I can’t eat a full meal, so I eat smaller meals instead and wait for the food to finally go down. Still eating pretty well, but when I get to the Radiation Treatment I don’t know how that will effect me. He said get weed! It helped him in coping with so much. Told him I had no interest in smoking it, but I am contemplating using the CBD oils to help me if eating, pain or fatigue become too big of an issue to have some sort of normal in my life. He agreed that is a good solution. Told him my kids are all willing to help me get the CBD oils. Told him I wasn’t sure I wanted to know all this, they may be all grown and out of the house, but what I don’t know can’t hurt me, right? We shared a laugh over that one, and that was when Hubby showed up. They had to reboot the register in that line so we were directed to a new line being opened to check us out, so I reached out to the Gentle Giant with tattoos on his neck and told him Thank you, and please know it meant so much to me for you to reach out and give me some of your energy. I hope you have a blessed life. I thanked him again, and we went our separate ways.

The people you meet in chance encounters like this can be so amazing. I really do hope he has a blessed life.

After we checked out I told hubby I wanted a Costco Hot Dog. I do have a slight chemo mouth this time, but seem to not have lost as many taste buds as last time. The hot dog was good, but not as great as I remember. Hubby had to take a picture and text it to his best friend in Idaho who LOVES the Costco hot dogs. All the times Hubby has spent up there over the past two years, he had never succumbed to trying one of the hot dogs, despite all the cajoling done by the best friend. Hubby decided it was a good dog and maybe he could do this again. He also had to get his frozen yogurt Vanilla/Chocolate Swirl. I did take a few bites of that. After we headed to Trader Joe’s for other items we prefer to purchase there.
Then it was decided Albertson’s rather than a trek up the hill to the Pavilion’s. Didn’t take too long, but by the time we were home, and groceries put away, I was done. I sat on the sofa and tried to stay awake but it didn’t last. Made myself comfy on the chaise and had me a nice nap. Right up to the point when the alarm went off to remind me to take the Advil again.

Then the peripheral neuropathy started to bug me. It’s not worse this time, but I can feel it in my finger tips, the bottom of my feet and my lips of all places. It was the lips that kept me from falling back to sleep completely.

After my first cycle the peripheral neuropathy eventually faded, but I have a sneaking suspicion the more cycles I go through, the longer the effects will last. Time will tell….

Other than that, today was not so bad. More hair is coming out, and I think my eyelashes look a little thinner today, along with my eyebrows. Bald spots are growing and connecting, making for interesting designs on my head. It’s a process.

Hubby has set up his Halloween Decor, and is very ready for tomorrow night. Means another missed Support Group night, but this is his favorite holiday. I could not in any good conscience take this away from his normal. Full size bars for the big kids and bite size candies for the littles. Nightmare Before Christmas will be set up on looping on the DVD player, and hubby will be in his element interacting with the kids that come to the door Trick-or-Treating. A good night will be had by all, and I will be able to watch Game 6 after the festivities are over as we will set it up to record again.

I was supposed to do my laundry today, but I’m too tired. Tomorrow, tomorrow, the sun will come out tomorrow and I will do my laundry.

Life is all about your encounters and how you meet them.

Seems I have song lyrics stuck in my head.  At least they are good songs!  Today I was up early with the alarm reminding me to take my anti-nausea drugs and Advil to stay on top of any bone pain from the Neulasta.  Couldn’t get back to sleep so got up to catch up on email, fed the cat and made myself some breakfast.

I was going to nap before we headed to Disneyland to meet two of the kids for dinner at Carnation Cafe, but had a call with a gal that had reached out to me for help and some input on a new venture her company wants to try to put out there in the Port Drayage community, to try and provide a single platform for Appointments at the various Port Terminals.  It was a wonderful conversation and I hope I was able to provide some insightful information to Julia.  There went my nap time, but I felt it was worth it to help a girl out getting into this industry.  It really is a male dominated business, and you have to learn how to play with the big boys to get anywhere, and not take No for an answer.  You have to keep knocking on that No door until someone answers.

We had a nice drive down until we got onto Disneyland Drive, or at least I think we did, I slept.  We were turned away from the main parking garage and hubby was not happy with being redirected to a different parking lot.  I was more worried about transportation from this other lot.  Day 3 into the second cycle I am still very tired and shaky.  Once we finally got to the Toy Story lot we had been redirected too, we were glad to find there were shuttle buses to take us over to the park and back.  Thank goodness.  I thanked my husband for not giving up on parking and seeing this diversion through.  He doesn’t like to have his cheese moved.

As we were next in line to get on the shuttle bus we realized we left our jackets in the car and it was shaping up to be a chilly night.  Oh well, good excuse to buy myself the new sweatshirt I’ve been thinking I might need, and I could finally use the gift card the daughter and son-in-law gave me for Christmas last year.

We entered Disneyland and checked out Disneyana first. They have some really good artworks and collectibles there and we don’t go in very often to check out new items.  We decided we need to go back mid-week next week to pick up a few larger items.

Next we headed over to Disney Showcase where I found an adorable Stitch Halloween antenna “ball”.  Of course I had to buy it, where I made a great new friend Peyton, who works in the Disney Showcase and the Emporium.  In a discussion on head wear, we compared no hair heads, I won!  We lamented the fact that there are no beanies with ears except for babies, so I told him I’d have to make one.  He wants pink.  I will do this and I will find him and give him one.  I have knitting needles and yarn and I know how to use them!

At Disney Clothiers I found my new “sweatshirt”.  It’s really a hoodie with fluffy fake fleece lining.  I love it!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I also found a Stitch scarf at the Clothiers

After that we walked over to Adventure Land and back through Frontier Land where we came across a pumpkin tree we swear we have never seen before:

 

 

 

 

 

 

We headed back towards main street and my canvas hat that I normally love wearing was making me feel like I was missing things, and kept flipping up the brim.  I felt like I was going to walk into things.  So we headed toward the Emporium to see if they had a beanie I could try instead.  The middle son and girlfriend were already in the park and hubby had to use the restroom.  We cut through New Century Jewelry where I snagged the last Tinkerbell Scarf on display!

And I found a beanie to wear instead of my canvas Schramsberg hat.  I was all decked out.

We all met up for dinner and it was delicious.  After dinner we headed over to the Jungle Boat Cruise, then headed to the Tiki Room for Dole Whip and singing Birds, Flowers crooning, and the tiki’s drumming and chanting.  The Girlfriend swears she has never been in the Tiki Room before.  Thank you my darling middle son and girlfriend/daughter for indulging me in family time at the Happiest Place on Earth.

After that I was feeling tired again, so we called it a night and parted ways with the kids.  Hubby owed me a balloon, and made good on his promise:

I slept most of the way home.  It was a good day.  Still tired and losing a lot more hair today.  The bald spots GROW!

Life is still having eyelashes!  And family time.

 

 

Chemo was a go yesterday, what a relief. Not sure I should have been that excited to get an infusion of drugs that’s sole purpose is to kill me slowly, but hey, you take what wins you can get in this process.

Had my new Temporary Tattoo to bring some levity to this process as I noted yesterday – Hyannis

One thing I have noticed, as my bald spots slowly grow, my head feels colder. So I was glad when I decided to throw one of my new caps into my bag at the last moment before we headed out the door. It was a Friday for the poor nurses. If it could go wrong for them it did. I was the first one in infusion room 3, so had my pick of seats. Next to the window please!

Joanna my primary infusion nurse this day had problems with the ice spray to numb up my port spot for the prick of the needle into the port.  Two cans later we finally got it to work a little bit.  Just enough to numb me up for the stick.  Then she couldn’t get the needle to go in correctly.  It went wonky, into the side of the port.  Go figure that since the catheter needle is at least an inch long…

Beth, whose computer wouldn’t work this morning, came over and asked if they could start again.  Of course!  Beth pulls the chair out from the wall a bit, lays me back, go through the process all over again, swab with an alcohol wipe, Beth see’s Hyannis as she’s swiping, and laughs, good one!  Joanna looks over, what?  Get it – Hyannis Port?  Rich people live there…  Ahhhh, she gets it.

First Beth had a problem with getting a new Port Catheter set up, first one when she opened the package jumped to the floor.  I swear I saw it jump!  That’s my story and sticking to it!  The next set up stayed in the bottom part of the packaging like it was supposed to, top being a foil seal and bottom molded plastic to hold the needle and tubing.  They got it all put together and then she was looking for the cold spray to numb me up again.  Two cans later we gave up and Joanna went looking for a new one.

Threes a charm right, it worked.  In went catheter number 2 and yeah, we had “lift off”.  Beth was able to put through a flush of the heparin that is left after each treatment to insure I don’t flow backwards through the port or create a clot.

First up, Olanzapine and Zofran with a kicker of Emend along with a small dose of a steroid to top off my premeds prior to the Chemo.  Then we were on to the real good stuff.

This one is the red one that makes you smaller… or so I’ve heard. Then we move onto the next infusion and about an hour later I was done. Beth applied the Neulasta machine that goes ping and I was off with hugs to see them in two weeks.
And yes, Beth said my schedule would change to Fridays for my next two cycles in this phase. She printed up my new schedule for me and when we got home I placed it on the fridge. I arranged the fridge so Hubby will have a central place to look for upcoming appointments and current medicine regime so he can keep tabs as well. I really want to add a chalk board so we can start writing notes down as I have noticed my short term memory is not doing that great. And I’m starting to have problems with recalling more obscure words that I would normally be able to recall easily.
We stopped at Burger City Grill and picked up some lunch. As we ate and binged Stranger Things, I noticed I had pretty much stopped peeing after getting my second drug infusion – Cyclophosphamide. I took another Lasix… I still wasn’t peeing as much as I was taking in, and I could feel the swelling start. Took off my rings just in time. Any more swollen and it would have been a lot more difficult.
This also meant I started feeling really crappy. Headache kicked in, migraine type headache. Not as painful, but all the other symptoms apply. Add in the nausea and my food feeling like it’s just not going down, I was not a happy camper people. Wasn’t as bad as the first time but I still felt pretty crappy.
And then there was the cold. I felt cold! Went and changed as I really wanted to watch game 3 of the World Series. On went the brown cap I just made the other day, over that my Georgia Bull Dawgs Cap, my 49er long sleeve tee and fleece lined sweatpants. Bull Dogs cap was for two reasons, just a bit of pressure on my head helped with the ache and the bill kept the light out of my eyes as I am extremely light sensitive when I have a migraine. Even my contacts made me hurt.

Whatever makes you feel better is acceptable at this point!

Woke up this morning feeling better. Just like last time, tired and shaky, but I can live with that. My bald spots are growing, could be why my head feels colder now.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Life is dealing with the changes…

 

Trying this again…

Diuretic taken – check
Requisite banana eaten- check
Bag packed (again) – check
New tattoo for entertainment- check. (Please tell me you all get this one…)

First I received a gift with no card or insert in the mail with a beautiful mural of running horses.  I posted in FaceBook asking if someone sent it to please let me know so I could thank them for the wonderfully thoughtful gift.  I have yet to receive any confirmation of who sent me this gift which I know must have sent it with lots of love and thought as they know my love of horses.

Today I received another package in the mail  This from from Cafe Press, and it included a note – “Stay Strong, Stay Kim”

But nothing that indicates who sent me this wonderful tee!  Whoever sent it has obviously read my blog and I so want to thank the person who thoughtfully sent me a gift to remind me TCST!

If you are one of the senders of the gifts, please let me know so I can thank you correctly!  Leave me a comment using the “comment” section below.

UPDATE –

DING DING DING, we have a winner on who sent me the wonderful tee.  Thanks to cousin Charlotte!

Well that was a total let down.  I was all ready for the start of the Second Cycle today.

Diuretic taken – check
Eat requisite banana – check
Bag packed – check

iPad charged, ready for streaming – check

Temp tattoo for amusement – check (can anyone tell me what it is?)

Cookies for the infusion team – check

We arrive at the office right on time, and I really need to use the restroom.  Thank you diuretic.  We wait, and wait, finally I am called back, and hubby too…. wait, what?

I excuse myself to use the facilities.  In the meantime, Beth one of the infusion nurses is telling hubby why I can’t have treatment today….

Evidently my liver enzymes have tripled from my baseline lab work.  I’m asked if I have been taking Tylenol – not since the first week to insure control of any bone pain from the Neulasta. Ok, we know we told you not to take Advil, use this instead.  Your platlette counts are really good.  Very strong.  No more Tylenol.

Any alcohol? Hubby looks at me, “how much have you been drinking?”  OMG, really? You are home with me daily, you see what I eat and drink… lets see, the Sunday before Friday AM labs I had 1/2 a beer.  Next alcohol I had was the glass of red wine at Friday nights dinner out…  then the bubbly this weekend to celebrate Blink being smaller.

Beth agrees it’s probably not the alcohol impacting my liver.  What about herbal tea?  Well, my favorite is the Tao of Teas Mediterranian Mint.  Could be the herbal tea, when did you have that last?  Thursday morning.  Ok, now I’m thinking no more herb tea and no more wine or beer.  Taken back to scheduling to reschedule the next 3 cycles, and to get a new standing order for labs as Beth is afraid they will not honor the current one if I go in sooner than two weeks.

Lizzy sets up Cycle 2 to be next Tuesday – Halloween, and reschedules Cycles 3 and 4 to be in the two week increments after that.  She prints out our new schedule for us and away we go.

I am trying very hard to look at the bright side of this delay.  No chemo right before Thanksgiving, and I get another good week.  We can go to Disneyland again before the next treatement…  but my heart and my left brain cell are at odds with the bright side.  They want to yell, scream, rant, rave, throw a massive 2 year old that has been overstimulated tantrum.  How the hell does my body rebel against the chemo so badly that after 1 cycle I’m already having bad blood work?  Fuck my life.

I forgot to leave the cookies…

We stop at Trader Joes to pick up the few items I needed there and head home.  Make reservations at Carnation Cafe again for Sunday since it’s going to be a “good” week.  Notify all those that have asked about today’s treatment and the kids.  Put everthing away…  And as I am all set up on the sofa to check my email again, the house phone rings.  It’s usually a telemarketer so I don’t jump up to grab it.  Beep, the answering machine kicks in and it’s Beth from Dr. Sikaria’s office.  She wants me to call her, talked to Dr. Sikaria…  I jump up and race the machine to get to Beth before she hangs up.  Too late.

Getting ready to call her back when my cell phone rings.  Race back to the sofa, it’s Dr. Sikaria’s office, must be Beth.  Hang up the land line and answer my cell.  Yup, it’s Beth.  Dr. Sikara wants me to get new labs late Wednesday or early Thursday, and as long as my liver panel is trending down, she wants me in for treatment Friday morning at 9:30 AM.

Friday it is.  What this does to the remaining schedule, I have no clue.  Guess we find that out Friday morning.  Please, please, please let my liver enzymes be coming down!

Life is all about the CBC and CMP.

This morning started out normal, up at 4:30 AM checked my emails, worked on my laptap checking up on various things, researched, read, took a nap.  Have the opportunity to pick up a commercial grade sewing machine for a really great price.  Took a trip down to check it out, paid for it but need to have the middle son pick it up in his truck.  Visited with friends I have not seen in a few years.  We did the grocery shopping, started at Costco to pick up ham and a prescription.  Of course we had to get a soft serve frozen yogurt for hubby.  He likes the chocolate-vanilla swirl.

I was tired again, so we cut the shopping short to just Albertson’s after that, instead of going to Trader Joe’s first.  Got home, put away the groceries, and then set myself up to nap in the chaise lounge.

Woke up almost two hours later, ran my hand over my itchy head and came away with a handful of hairs.  I tried it again and again, yup, two weeks.  Called it this past weekend when I told my cousin my hair will probably fall out the day after she leaves.  Texted the kids and asked them all if it was too late to ask them to come over for the head shaving.

Response was immediate, we will all be there within the hour.  Grandson was doing pumpkin carving with his cousins, so he was left to have that fun, and we took pictures for him.  I FaceTimed with him and explained that tonight was the night my hair was starting to fall out so I needed it to be shaved down.  He watched his uncle do the first few passes to start bringing my hair down as close to my scalp as possible, then he was off to play with his cousins.  He understood, and he was good with what he just saw.

 

We laughed and joked during the whole process of different passes with the hair trimmer slowly taking my hair down to the lowest level the hair trimmer would handle.

 

After the middle son got my hair down to the last to lowest level, he took the first pass at the lowest trim level across the top of my head.  Then the daughter took her turn.  Middle son was so very gentle in his movements, making sure he didn’t pull any hairs in any way or push to hard on my head.  The daughter was even more gentle in her movements with the hair trimmer. It was so very sweet and touching how tender my children were with my head.  Offered the chance to take last swipes at my remaining hair to the Girlfriend of middle son, she is family now, but she said she was good with just watching.  Same with Hubby, but he said no as well.  The kids finished and my head felt even lighter then it did before.

 

I jumped into the shower for a quick rinse, and when I came back out all my hair was already vacuumed up.  I posed for another picture before I went and got the last of the champagne opened yesterday so we could all make a toast.

The Girlfriend, I could hear was surpirsed I would do this.  I heard her talking to hubby about this decision.  I came out with the glasses and said ” To Life!”  I then explained to the girlfriend, it’s all about perspective.  I am chosing to embrace this metamorphosis, celebrate each little hurdle in the changes I go through as  we wait to see what comes out the other side.

I had my children do this for a reason.  I know this must be difficult for them, even though they are adults, to have to watch their mommy go through cancer again, go through a much more serious cancer, and all the resulting side effects.  There is shock and denial, guilt, anger, lonliness, and fear.  There is their own mourning process they need to embrace in this process, just as I did.  By making them take part in this exercise of me embracing the changes, I hope I am giving them a step in the right direction of moving through their emotional journey out of the mourning, away from the loss, and back to embracing life at its fullest everyday.

Sunday found my cousin and I choosing to get mani-pedi’s, and from there, grab a bit of lunch.  Of course we stopped at Starbucks to get tea/frappuccino and a snack to tide us over before we had lunch.  We had a great time just being with each other, and have already planned her next trip down.  We hung out until it was time to take her to the airport.

All the kids (well, all the kids that are talking to us), were over for Sunday night dinner.  Because we were in celebration mode this weekend due to Blink being smaller, Pizza, beer and bubbly were on the menu, and we planned a family night of Cards Against Humanity.  Grandson who is now learning to read and add, counted the spaces at the table and the number of people we had.  He wanted to know where his other uncle was.   Broke my heart just a bit that I had to tell him that his uncle does’t like us right now.  When he asked me why, I told him I really didn’t know.  He then asked his mommy why his uncle doesn’t like Nane and Gampa, his mommy told him she didn’t know why either.  So he left it that we have an open chair for the recalcitrant son, and maybe someday he will be back.  We had a great time after that.  We know how to have fun in this family.

Since my hair should start falling out sometime this week I told all the kids, to make this as normal as possible for the grandson, I will notify them all the day it starts coming out in clumps, and we will have a head shaving party that night.  They will all take turns, including the grandson, of taking my remaining hair off with hair clippers.  They have all agreed to be here for this.

When we were at Disneyland on Saturday I had taken a moment to show the grandson my port “lump” and even let him touch it.  We talked about how I have to take a lot of very, very strong medicines right now and because I have to take them through a shot that takes a long time, the doctors gave me the port to make it easier to get these shots.  He understood that. Last night as we were saying good-bye, I told him that all that medicine is so strong it’s going to make all my hair fall out.  He’s eyes got big, as in WOW.  I told him yup, Nane is going to be bald.  Then I told him about how I invited everyone to come over when it starts to happen so we can shave off the rest of my hair so I am not shedding all over the house like a dog.  He liked that idea and asked if even he was invited to do this, and I told him yes, even he gets to do this with me.  Told him I don’t know which day it will happen, but it should start happening sometime this week.  He’s now ready to help me embrace the next phase of my metamorphosis.

It was a wonderfully exhausting weekend.

I am starting to feel just a little anxiety over the second cycle of chemo that starts tomorrow.  I know how tired the first one made me, and even though I know we have the diuretic and will be taking that prior to my infusion, I know that in chemo school they did say the effects are cumulative, the more cycles I go through, the more it will effect me.  Thinking about this made me tell all the kids last night, they can still come over, even if I am tired, just listening to them and watching them interact makes me happy.  Don’t stay away just because I may not be feeling 100%.

We also talked about the upcoming holidays.  My final cycle for phase 1 is the Tuesday before Thanksgiving.  Even though Thanksgiving is usually held at our house, this year we’re not planning on this.  This year will be a very quiet Thanksgiving for us.  Christmas Eve is usually spent with my husbands cousins, Aunt, and anyone else that shows up at our house, eating Bar-B-Que and having a grand time.  Christmas day is usually the kids coming over later to exchange a few gifts and eat more of that good Bar-B-Que we pick up from our favorite restaurant.  We’re not sure how it will go this year, but the plan is to keep it going same as previous years.  Hubby thinks we may need to cancel Christmas Eve this year as I will be on phase 2 by that point and cycles will be weekly.  Phase 2 is Taxol and Carboplatin, which we now know can really mess with my brain.  I still want to keep the holidays as normal as possible.  It’s not like we cook, we order huge amounts from the BBQ joint and feed people.  It’s about being together more than anything.

Hubby and kids agreed, Christmas day should remain the same.  As for Hanukkah with my family, really not sure if I’ll be up for that drive to San Francisco Bay area to make that celebration. We will play that one by ear.  That is a lot of driving for my husband alone as we’re counting on me not being able to help with driving at that point.  I already worked out a plan with my cousin for us to still partake in the gift exchange, as that is part of the fun of our celebration.  We use white elephant gift exchange rules, draw numbers, and the hilarity ensues.  There have been a few years when a gift or two have been the coveted gift, and my cousin thinks she can outwit me.  So far, I have been the one to come out on top in those instances.  I keep telling her age and treachery win over youth and skill every time! (I am almost 5 years older than my cousin.)  This would be why I am the proud owner of a “Jew-Jitsui” Tee and have the Ceramic as Seen on TV knife in my kitchen drawer….

This year theme – The Sea.  Now to come up with a great gift to put into the exchange.  We will have to FaceTime the gift exchange if we can’t get up there.

Think I am going to get a “gift” for the Infusion department tomorrow.  Fruit plate or cookies… something.  These nurses are very kind and dealing with some of the most difficult situations.  They deserve kindness back.  Maybe I’ll bake cookies this time.  Fruit next time.

Life is Kith and Kin (blood and “adopted”)

Sorry for not posting earlier, but I was too busy having fun.  The continuation of Friday moved on to going for my blood draw to prove I can start my next cycle of chemo on Tuesday.  As I prepared to head out the door and drive myself over to the lab, I remembered I still needed to put the new registration tag on my car.  Did that first, then decided I deserved a cup of tea from Starbucks.

I had a Venti sized daily habit of 5 shot, non-fat Latte, with one Splenda please, for years.  About a month prior to finding the lump I noticed I was drinking less and less of that 5 shots of Espresso and creamy, milky goodness. It just didn’t have the same appeal.  I also really didn’t care if I had a piece of chocolate either.  Since when do I not care if I have my two favorite food groups?  So, I stopped going to my Starbucks up the hill, stopped seeing my “girls” and “boys” who I have built some wonderful Barista relationships with over the years, and just headed directly to work and would drink my lemonade with breakfast.  I missed my baristas. I was going to stop in and see them!

So I dropped my top (the car, hard top convertible), strapped on my port pillow to my seat-belt, and away I went to Starbucks.  When I first walked in, I don’t think they recognized me.  But soon, I was being greeted by my barista team that happened to be working that beautiful Friday morning, and of course they wanted to know where I’ve been the past 2 and 1/2 months.  Quickly caught them up, provided them with the URL for this blog, ordered tea, found out on of my “girls” has taken a break from Starbucks, but that is OK, I have her contact info, email or text it is, and away I went to the lab.  It was so nice to talk to my baristas again.  I will have to make it a point to stop for tea there much more often.

The lab is on a hill, and the parking is at the bottom.  I parked at the far end, and  started walking towards the stairs.  I could see a family at the bottom set of stairs, dad halfway across that part of the lot looking back at son on 4th stair up from bottom, and mom, two stairs down from him.  I could not hear what was being said, but son was gesturing he wanted to jump the last four steps; mom was gesturing he needed to jump from second step down, and dad was patiently watching the negotiations.  As I neared, I don’t know if mom gave up or dad told her to let the confidence of the boy win and jump from the 4th step up as was his plan.  Jump he did and congratulations on his achievement were being doled as I walked by.  I told him that was a fantastic 4 step jump and high-fived the brave young man.

As I reached the top of the steps, a nice gust of breeze picked up all the leaves and fallen Bougainvillea flowers, whipping them around like 3 or 4 mini flora tornadoes, and blowing the hair of a women heading to the stairs, up and about like Pocahontas’ hair in the Disney movie version where she is singing about all the colors of the wind.  I wanted to break out in verse:

“Have you ever heard the wolf cry to the blue corn moon
Or asked the grinning bobcat why he grinned
Can you sing with all the voices of the mountains
Can you paint with all the colors of the wind
Can you paint with all the colors of the wind”

I was polite and didn’t subject those being caressed with all those “colors” with my off key singing and instead wished they a wonderful, blustery day.

Blood draw done, I headed to Target to pick up my favorite eye moisture cream, and walked by a new display of women’s tees, which led to an impulse buy on two of them.

Once home and noted Hubby was already off to the car wash, and mail had arrived.  I had a package (my favorite perfume, which is getting much harder to find as it’s not made anymore – Sea Island Cotton by Bath and Body), and checked the dryer where our sheets were drying before I left.

Mail sorted and the last three bottles of perfume stored, I sat down and promptly napped.

That was pretty much the remainder of my day until it was time to go to the airport to pick up my cousin.  We timed it pretty well, circled twice before she was out curbside.  We picked her up and hit the freeway which was now a parking lot.  Welcome to L.A.  We figured dinner would be in downtown Long Beach and my favorite Irish pub.

As the time neared for us to leave the middle son called, what were the plans for this weekend?  We talked and it was decided he and his girlfriend would meet us at the Pub in about an hour so we could all have dinner together.

That was a poorly timed plan.  When we arrived at the Pub, it was just as a major convention in town had completed it’s first day of offerings to it’s attendees, and ALL the restaurants and eateries in the downtown area were FILLED with hour+  long waits for seating.

We walked up the hill trying there and then walked down to the other end of the Pike area to try Outback.  It had the lowest waiting time and input our name.  Middle son and girlfriend were game in all this walking and waiting, and what would now be a very late dinner.  We were seated in just under an hour and had a great time sharing stories.  We all laughed quite a bit, and cousin now understands why we love the girlfriend so very much.  She is family now, whether she likes it or not.

We parted ways as we all headed back to our respective cars to head home for much needed sleep.

Saturday found Hubby, Cousin and I preparing to take the Grandson to Disneyland for his previously promised date by Grandpa before he left to Idaho a lifetime ago.  We picked up grandson with a car seat and backpack with spare clothes and a sweatshirt and headed to the park.  We didn’t think to pre-purchase tickets and the lines for ticket purchases was beyond long.  We entered the serpentine line for one of the ticketing kiosks and waited.  An hour later, tickets in hand we went to Disneyland first, as we ALL wanted to ride the Haunted Mansion decked out for the Nightmare Before Christmas.  While we were in line grandson told Grandpa he wanted a Churro, so Grandpa obliged and treated us all to one of our own.  That line was not so bad for standby under two hours to complete and find ourselves asking what next.  Grandson wanted to go on the boat – The Mark Train paddle wheeler and as we walked toward the other side, he spied the canoes.  Change of plans, he wants to paddle himself around the Rivers of the Americas.  He LOVED paddling a canoe.  Next he said he wanted to ride a roller coaster.  It was decided Big Thunder Mountain was in order.  Cousin decided to take that time to do some shopping and I waited in line with my “boys” even though we figured I would not ride as it was cutting our time close to the reservations we had secured at Carnation Cafe for an early dinner.

At the Fastpass and standby junction, I parted ways with the boys and headed over to check in for our reservation.  It was all timed perfectly.  We were seated just as the boys arriving and the Mickey Soundsational Parade was starting.  We had front row seats!

From there we decided it was time for face-painting and headed to Cal Adventure.  Grandson chose a dinosaur, and I had “eye-flare”.  Grandson was sticking with the roller-coaster theme and asked if he could ride California Screamin’.  We checked his height against the “you must be this tall to ride” scale and sure enough, he fits right there.  Because of my port with the catheter line into my jugular, I wasn’t so sure going on a roller-coaster was the best of ideas.  It would be his first “big-boy” roller coaster and he was so excited to be going upside-down.  I didn’t want to traumatize his first experience with Nane is bleeding out because the G-Forces ripped out the catheter…  So I stayed behind to document his first ride and as my cousin, hubby and grandson celebrated his first ride.  Grandba said as they went through the loop the G’s pushed the grandson’s head down so he had a great view of his crotch in the loop.   Grandson reported when the ride went upside down it made his head go upside down.  Love how 5 year olds explain things!

From there we headed into Cars Land for the requisite ride on the Radiator Springs Racers.  That line was little longer line, 2 hours, but we ventured forth with determination and had a grand time.

Ice cream and WATER were next on the agenda.  As we were finishing up our deserts we asked the grandson if there was anything else he wanted to do.  As he reflected on our day and ticked off the ride completed he said, “I think we’ve done all the rides… wait, (as his eyes go big), the airplane ride!”  Soarin’ it is!

We headed over there for a short line (only 45 minutes), before we were strapped in for our flying adventure over some of the worlds landmarks – Glaciers and Polar Bears in Iceland, The Matterhorn in Switzerland, Neuschwanstein Castle in Germany, Elephants and Mt. Kilimanjaro in Tanzania, The Taj Mahal in India, The Pyramids in Egypt and so on.

After landing back in Cal Adventure and wondering if all the people still there saw us flying around the world, it was decided it was time to head home.  Grandson really wanted to come back to our house to spend the night but we told him they would be coming over for Sunday night family Pizza night.  And we didn’t tell him we have the Lego Batman movie,  Sunday will be a good family night!

Bonus – I have named the lump!  Blink.  Blink and it was here, Blink and it will be gone.  (And Blink was the first person to see a Weeping Angel on Dr. Who.)

Will let you all know how Sunday goes.

Life is a wonder adventure.

Not sure if it was my colon causing the strange dreams or not, but between the two, I didn’t sleep much from the time I went to bed and 2 AM when I finally gave into the spasm in my gut and headed for the bathroom. Despite some relief at that point I knew this would continue so gently closed our bedroom door and set myself up in my corner of the sofa to knit and watch House of Cards.

By 3 AM I had taken some Imodium.   I fell asleep soon after starting a fourth episode.  I woke before it finished and realized hubby was in the bathroom starting his morning routine.  When he came out he told me to go lay down again, try to get more sleep. But did I listen?  I had every intention of doing just that, but a news alert came across my phone – The Orionides meteor showers are visible this weekend. With peak viewing in the pre-dawn hours this morning. Out the back door I went.

The toothless wonder cat followed me to the back of the yard where there is the least amount of light pollution, and I stood there looking up at Orion, hoping to see a meteor or two.  I saw three before the sun slowly brightened the sky to the east, the stars winking out, edging closer and closer to the Orion constellation to the west.  The whole time the cat was complaining to me how empty his stomach was.  Once the sky had lighted to the point I knew I would not be able see any more meteors with the naked eye, I heard the first crow stir.  The wind is very active this morning and I can also hear the occasional soft note or two from our sheltered wind chime.  Took a quick picture of the sunrise, then told the toothless wonder cat OK, let’s get you some early breakfast.  He was more than happy to lead me back to the house to feed him.

He started to eat in the kitchen, but after just a few bites walked back to the back door to finish being fed where he prefers, on the lounger in the covered patio.

We headed out, me with all his food in hand, and got ourselves situated to finish his breakfast.  As the sky continued to lighten, I heard the first squirrel chatter his wake up call, and the dominant Hummer chirped a quick hello before getting his first drink of the morning from one of the two feeders I keep just for him and his allowed entourage (male humming birds are notoriously territorial).

It didn’t take the wonder cat long to eat his fill, then spend a few moments grooming, before he was curled up and purring in my lap, as I sat there listening to the neighborhood wake up.  The calling birds were the next to sound, and then the Jays.  The neighbors bathroom light snapped on.  I start to hear more traffic noises, as the trees continue to whisper their ancient knowledge and secrets in the morning breeze.

It amazes me how quickly I have become a morning person.  52 years of being a night owl, and now a little over a month of waking up before dawn, just like that.  No alarm needed.  I wonder what the coming months will bring?

I do need to get my CBC blood draw this morning in preparation for my second cycle of chemo.  My cousin arrives today from Nothern California to spend the weekend with me, with us, with me.  A nap will definitely be a must today!  Hubby had said he’ll take the spare mattress in the other room so us girls can have our girl time for the “whole” weekend.  It will be like old times, sharing a bed on family trips, and our WWT’s (my family can’t spell – the very first Wisnia Women’s Retreat was dubbed WWT, and it has stuck…)  I’m looking forward to having one on one time with her.  I’m excited and yet kind of bummed it’s this weekend though, and wonder how quickly I can get her to come back again.  I really want her help once I lose my eyelashes so she can teach me to apply fake ones.  That is something sisters do and she’s my sister.  I want to share the amusement of bad placement with her the most.  As I have previously said, I really don’t care about the rest of my hair, just my eyelashes!  It should start falling out here in a few days, probably Monday because my cousin leaves Sunday evening.

I finished a book my mother sent me written by a breast cancer survivor.  It was about her spiritual and emotional journey through her cancer.  There were several things in her book that stood out for me.

1. 1.  I need to update my will 
   2. She wrote about how she learned to enjoy the little things and to not get so upset/frustrated over minor issues, like being late. Which made me think about the Bucket List my husband wants me to write. Even as I was reading her epiphany of learning to appreciate the little things – noticing the birds in your yard, how different flowers smell, and all that, I was thinking I already do this! I do this on a daily  basis, multiple times a day. I’m the one taking pictures of the morning dew on the roof of my car because the way the sun hits it is stunningly beautiful, making me late for work; or sitting for hours with the cat in the backyard just listening to and watching what is going on around me, the sounds of my neighborhood telling me their stories.I’m the one that sees a dandelion seed ball, and in my head, immediately squeals with delight – WISHES!  I’m the one taking a 10 minute video of a itty, bitty jumping spider stalking a wasp, 3 time it’s size,  that I came across one afternoon while watering, narrating the action like it was Mutual if Omaha’s Animal Kingdom.  I’ve never felt the need for a Bucket List, I live my life everyday appreciating the moments of beauty and the abundance of people I love, that I have been blessed with so richly.   And I always do my best to not sweat the petty things.  (And not pet the sweaty things!)
   3. The author noted for those who are friends and family of the breast cancer patient to remember chemo is a long journey, but radiation treatment makes it  even longer. Be there for the whole journey.  This stood out to me as I know I do have a long haul ahead. 6 more weeks of phase one of chemo, then 12 weeks of phase two, and that is as long as by blood counts stay up. If they dip too low and stay low coming into my next cycle, that cycle will be delayed (come on Neulasta,  work for me!).  Once I finish chemo it’s on to surgery and from there, anywhere from 6 to 12 weeks of radiation 5 days a week.  And radiation will not start until I am healed enough from surgery to have my arm immobilized above my head for 30 minutes at a time. (Usually about 4 weeks). So I do worry about support network fatigue.  I worry that when I need them the most they will all be ready to get on with their lives, while I’m still trudging through mine.  I don’t want to be a burden, but I am asking you all to please help me with my journey for the long haul.  And I do this knowing I can’t say or do enough to thank you for all that support. Even now, there are no words encompassing enough to express my gratitude.

Life is the little things