Monday October 23 – Shaving the head

This morning started out normal, up at 4:30 AM checked my emails, worked on my laptap checking up on various things, researched, read, took a nap.  Have the opportunity to pick up a commercial grade sewing machine for a really great price.  Took a trip down to check it out, paid for it but need to have the middle son pick it up in his truck.  Visited with friends I have not seen in a few years.  We did the grocery shopping, started at Costco to pick up ham and a prescription.  Of course we had to get a soft serve frozen yogurt for hubby.  He likes the chocolate-vanilla swirl.

I was tired again, so we cut the shopping short to just Albertson’s after that, instead of going to Trader Joe’s first.  Got home, put away the groceries, and then set myself up to nap in the chaise lounge.

Woke up almost two hours later, ran my hand over my itchy head and came away with a handful of hairs.  I tried it again and again, yup, two weeks.  Called it this past weekend when I told my cousin my hair will probably fall out the day after she leaves.  Texted the kids and asked them all if it was too late to ask them to come over for the head shaving.

Response was immediate, we will all be there within the hour.  Grandson was doing pumpkin carving with his cousins, so he was left to have that fun, and we took pictures for him.  I FaceTimed with him and explained that tonight was the night my hair was starting to fall out so I needed it to be shaved down.  He watched his uncle do the first few passes to start bringing my hair down as close to my scalp as possible, then he was off to play with his cousins.  He understood, and he was good with what he just saw.

We laughed and joked during the whole process of different passes with the hair trimmer slowly taking my hair down to the lowest level the hair trimmer would handle.

After the middle son got my hair down to the last to lowest level, he took the first pass at the lowest trim level across the top of my head.  Then the daughter took her turn.  Middle son was so very gentle in his movements, making sure he didn’t pull any hairs in any way or push to hard on my head.  The daughter was even more gentle in her movements with the hair trimmer. It was so very sweet and touching how tender my children were with my head.  Offered the chance to take last swipes at my remaining hair to the Girlfriend of middle son, she is family now, but she said she was good with just watching.  Same with Hubby, but he said no as well.  The kids finished and my head felt even lighter then it did before.

I jumped into the shower for a quick rinse, and when I came back out all my hair was already vacuumed up.  I posed for another picture before I went and got the last of the champagne opened yesterday so we could all make a toast.

The Girlfriend, I could hear was surpirsed I would do this.  I heard her talking to hubby about this decision.  I came out with the glasses and said ” To Life!”  I then explained to the girlfriend, it’s all about perspective.  I am chosing to embrace this metamorphosis, celebrate each little hurdle in the changes I go through as  we wait to see what comes out the other side.

I had my children do this for a reason.  I know this must be difficult for them, even though they are adults, to have to watch their mommy go through cancer again, go through a much more serious cancer, and all the resulting side effects.  There is shock and denial, guilt, anger, lonliness, and fear.  There is their own mourning process they need to embrace in this process, just as I did.  By making them take part in this exercise of me embracing the changes, I hope I am giving them a step in the right direction of moving through their emotional journey out of the mourning, away from the loss, and back to embracing life at its fullest everyday.