I woke up early but tried to sleep more because I just felt off. When Hubby got up, I tried reading. I was still having a difficult time regulating my body temp, and because I was so cold during the night I slept in my fleece lounge wear, socks and a knit watch cap. When I finally decided to get up, I was still having problems with being cold.
I fed the Toothless Wonder Cat, and then made myself some oatmeal. My tummy really didn’t like that. It didn’t come back up, but I felt horrible. It was a chore to even drink.
I alternated between cold and hot all day, mostly cold. Any my stomach really didn’t like me all day. I couldn’t concentrate on anything either. I hate bad days.
I’ve decided to let the boys get me come CBD oil. Maybe that will help even out my good vs. bad days in this phase of chemo. I took a Reglan (anti-nausea), but it really didn’t help much.
Blink remains a different texture than the rest of my breast tissue. Blink got so soft there for a while, now I wonder if the chemo is winning or not. Is Blink fighting back? Is that why the texture has changed over the past few weeks? I can do this, and the bad days are temporary, even though they suck. I know a good day will follow the bad days, but there are times when I wonder if this is doing what it’s supposed to be doing.
Sunday is Christmas Eve. Family is coming over. We will have BBQ, and fun. I am excited and scared that I will still feel yucky. I want to feel good for Christmas. I want to be happy and excited, to taste what I eat, enjoy our family and not feel exhausted the whole time. I want to forget for a while that I am fighting for my life. I want my hands and feet to feel normal for 24 hours, and not worry that I will drop something important or burn myself because I can’t feel normally.
Oh yeah, there is that part, even though I had an acupuncture session on Friday, the neuropathy has not improved like it normally does. It’s not worse, but it has not faded. I’m only 3 weeks in, and the numb feeling is not going away. What will happen in week 5 or 7?
Will CBD Oil help with the neuropathy? Maybe I should just roll a fatty and get stoned to the beejeebus as my #2 mom suggested. Then I won’t care if I have neuropathy, or if the texture of Blink has changed. I won’t worry about surgery or what they will find when that happens; I won’t have flashes of blackened burned “flesh” when I do my visualization of the chemo killing the cancer. I won’t care that I can’t taste anything, or worry that I will get mouth sores.
And then I will fall asleep, I am sure. Since I want to be awake for family, which rules out a big fatty.
I will try the CBD oil and go from there. One day at a time as hubby keeps reminding me. One day at a time. We can do this, and we will survive.
Life is figuring out how to manage bad days
I agree with Susan, a nice fat joint will put you in a much better place. The only problem is when the euphoria wears off you may be right back in the same place you started. Well, except that your nausea will likely be gone and you will be as hungry as a 🐻. Hey, that’s not such a bad thing! Wishing your troubles would disappear soon. LYTTMAB.