Month: December 2017

Tuesday was a fairly decent day, but I did wake up with chemo gut, but that was it’s only showing.  I did have Hubby drive me to get my blood work done, as I was not sure how well I would do driving yet after the bad day Monday.  Lab was practically empty, so I was in and out really quickly.  I did have my normal phlebotomist, and as we exchanged well wishes for a very Merry Christmas, we hugged.  I love my normal phlebotomist, she always sends me off with so much positive energy.

I did have a check up with Dr. Sikaria.  We did tell her about my nausea/vomiting issues.  She changed up my on-demand nausea drug.  I asked her how soon should I take it when I know we’re going to be in a car; about 30 minutes prior to any prolonged car trips.  OK, we will try again.  She also said if that doesn’t work, CALL!  There are more drugs in the arsenal we can try.

She palpated Blink, and we both agreed the texture of Blink has changed again, but the edges are still so soft you can’t measure Blink.  It’s more of a different feel in texture from the rest of my breast tissue.  Not sure if this is good or bad.  I’ll keep up my meditation and visualization daily of the battle between good and evil going on in there, with the green men following behind to heal.

We did bring up diet, and the foods I have been eating, and how Hubby wants to know if I should change what I am eating.  Dr. Sikaria said it’s more likely the chemo causing this, not the food.  Stay away from extra greasy foods – OK, I’m not too big on them right now anyway.  Another thing that came up was Hubby thought I had drowned my Sheppard’s Pie in Tapatio Sauce.  Who does that to Sheppard’s Pie?  No, I put a little A1 Steak Sauce on it to bump up the flavor so I could taste it, but no Tapatio….  He apologized to me as he thought it was the Tapatio that caused Mondays BAD DAY.

I walked out feeling somewhat vindicated, I am eating, that is the good thing.  Now we just have to figure out how to try and keep my gut and stomach happy.

I felt well enough to drive myself to my Acupuncture appointment, but because I had to stop at Costco after, Hubby felt better about driving me, so we headed out to my appointment and he sat in the car napping and playing games on his phone while I went into see Homa,

Homa and I talked about my appointment with Sikaria and she asked if I can take probiotics.  Since I have an infusion appointment on Wednesday, I will definitely be asking Deborah the NP.

Homa said a probiotic will still be an uphill battle since the good bacteria being introduced back into my gut will still be killed off rather quickly by the chemo, but it’s worth a shot if I can take it daily.

Once I was finished with my acupuncture appointment I headed down to the car, I opened the passenger door to have a blast of arctic air reach out and nearly knock me over it was such a powerful, physical presence.  Evidently Hubby got hot and was trying to cool the car down.  I think he succeeded.

We headed to Costco to pick up the new anti-nausea drug to try, Reglan.  Of course it wasn’t ready, and they sincerely apologized.  I didn’t have to wait too long, only about 10 minutes.  Hubby in the mean time headed to the food court to treat himself to a soft serve swirl.  Once I was done getting my Rx, I knew where to find him outside, and we headed home.

I felt well enough to put together a batch of cookies, and start the dough that needed to chill overnight for another batch of cookies.  I’ve been wanting to put together holiday cookies for years, now I have the time.  Now let’s hope I continue to feel well enough to keep going on the cookies.

Life is baking!

Monday, I paid for Sunday’s great energy day.  I woke with chemo gut, and went downhill from there.  Anything I added to my stomach just caused great pain.

I did my best to stay hydrated during this rebellion of my entire digestive tract, but it was not nearly enough.

And I was sooooooooo tired.  I slept most of the day.  I am sure this was partially due to being dehydrated.

I made ginger/honey tea to try and sooth the savage beast, but all it did was make me cramp up more.  I tried giving my gut a little pit of active culture yogurt, hoping it was wanting some good bacteria, again, the response was more pain.

Finally about 5 pm I tried some chicken soup.   The rebellion had worked itself out and was willing to accept this traditional offering of peace.  I ate almost the whole pot that was warmed up.  I still had no energy to clean up after myself, and was promptly asleep on the chaise, yet again, until I woke up about 10 PM.  Hubby cleaned up all my dishes and refilled my water bottle for me while I took myself off to bed to go back to sleep.

So Monday was not one of my better days.  Hubby is also all over me about not eating things I can try to taste, I just need to eat, I don’t know what.  He thinks the Sheppard’s Pie is what caused the rebellion.  I asked him what am I supposed to eat then?  He doesn’t know but I should not be trying to taste my food.  I don’t know what his expectation is in this hot chemo mess.

I also had to cancel my Acupuncture appointment that was scheduled for Monday afternoon.  Thankfully I was able to get this rescheduled for Tuesday afternoon.  I also have to get blood work done Tuesday morning, and have a check up with Dr. Sikaria Tuesday morning as well.  Hubby wants to ask Dr. Sikaria about my diet.  Let him.  As I said, I am not sure what his expectation is as to what I should be eating right now.  It’s not like I am eating a bunch of junk.  I am eating normal foods.  And there seems to be no rhyme or reason as to when my digestive tract rebels.  If he had read everything I have read, maybe he’d know there is no control of this, and I just have to roll with each rebellion as it happens.

Life is trying to stay hydrated

Saturday was the day we would have been up north to celebrate Hanukkah with my family.  My cousin texted me a few times keeping me up to date with what was going on in preparation for the latke cooking and food eating.  The Darling Daughter texted me when they arrived at their hotel.

When it came time to start the actual celebration, my cousin FaceTimed me so I could be there as well.  After a funny false start due to my screen locking in one aspect even though it was not “locked”, we were set to go.  First there was the candle lighting.  This year was a little subdued as not only were we not there, but one branch of the family was not there as well.  My Uncle and his wife, their two children and their significant others were all off celebrating my aunt’s mothers 90th birthday, which was Saturday.  Their presence was missed, I could tell!

I loved watching the kids open their presents, and the chaos this creates as everyone tries to pass out their gifts at the same time.  When we’re all there it’s even worse!  Then the kids go off to play with their new toys and those of us participating in the gift exchange gather together and our fun ensues.  We run it like a white elephant gift exchange.  We usually assign a theme to the gifts, this year being anything to do with the Ocean/Tropical.  All the gifts are put together and we draw numbers.  Whoever draws number 1 gets the first and LAST pick.  A gift can only be stolen twice, and you cannot steal a gift back that has been stolen from you.

There have been a few years when The Cousin and I have wanted the same gifts, and so far age and wisdom and overcome youth and treachery.  (Meaning I have been victorious.)

Once everything was done and they all went off to play CAH (Cards Against Humanity), we said our good-byes and I went back to our normal Saturday night past time – watching TV.  I love this technology that allows me to be part of the action.

Sunday was a good day.  I had so much more energy than I am used to having right now.  I still moved in “slow” mode, but didn’t feel like I had to stop.  I made the stew portion of Sheppard’s Pie on Saturday, so today all I had to do was make the mashed potato topping and finish cooking.  I also threw together a skillet soda bread to eat with the Sheppard’s Pie.  One of The Middle Son’s favorites. I also baked a batch of Peanut Butter Cookies, after running to the store to get corn syrup needed for the cookies, picking up a “nozzle” for the new faucet Hubby plans to install in the kitchen to replace the leaking one, and a run out to Michael’s to pick up more decorative cup cake liners (and yarn!).

I also did a load of laundry.

Once The Middle Son arrived, he helped me finish up the Sheppard’s Pie while I folded the laundry, and then we sat down to eat and watch a movie.  I ended up sleeping through most of the movie….  another one of those sudden chemo nap attacks.  They hit out of the blue and there is no stopping them.  I am OUT.

I woke up just in time to see the end of the movie.  After the movie was over, Hubby and The Middle Son cleaned up and I listened to them talk.

Life is creating a new normal and ways to connect

Because I took a sleeping pill the night before, again, I was not awake until about 7:30 AM.  I got myself ready for the day and then went to feed the Toothless Wonder Cat.  He’s having a very difficult time with eating.  We know he must have an active infection in his gums, but because we can’t pick him up, let alone get him into a box or carrier, we cannot get him to a vet.  He’s not been eating very well, and his grooming is suffering as well.  We have a feeling by the time he is weak enough to submit to our administrations it will be too late and we will be having a vet put him to sleep rather than try to treat what ever is wrong with him.

Our plan for the day was to get the grocery shopping completed and then finish up the last of our holiday shopping.  The Darling Daughter agreed to take our gifts up for the family Hanukkah celebration in the SFO area this weekend, but I forgot the Bridal Shower gift for my cousin’s soon to be bride.  Since she had errands to run during the morning hours while the kids were in school, we agreed to drop that gift by about 2 PM, before they headed out to Bakersfield for the first stop of their drive up north.

We completed the grocery shopping as quickly as I could move, and also stopped at the bank so I could transfer my disability money into my normal checking account.  Once we had the groceries home and the perishables put away, we headed to the dreaded mall to grab the last gifts we needed for this holiday season.

Now our closest mall has gone through a major renovation over the past few years with new high end stores going in, and a complete revamp of the existing building, an upgraded food court, as well as added square footage to the entire building.  I have not really explored any of the new end of the mall, and have no idea where anything is, nor what the actual foot print is now as I never paid attention to what they were doing.

We started at one end and found a directory to see where we needed to go.  Hubby figured we would go back out to the car and he would drive to the location if, where we needed to go, was at the other end.  Me, on the other hand, said we should walk, I still need to get some exercise in here and there.  We walked.  We found everything we were looking for, a whole two items, and we stopped at See’s Candies so I could pick up some of their cinnamon hard candies.  I think I could probably taste those!

We stopped at Burger City Grill to grab some burgers for lunch, and headed home.  I finished wrapping the Bridal Shower Gift, then ate my burger.  I could not taste it, not even the blue cheese…

We headed to the Darling Daughter’s to meet her by 2 PM.  As we drove up, we saw they had just arrived home from the school pick ups as well.  My daughter is very proud of her holiday decorations and was excited to show them off.  Her brother-in-law was there to pick up his daughter, the Grandson’s cousin/sister (because they are as close as siblings).  The Grandson and his cousin/sister were playing in his bedroom and didn’t see us arrive.

They live on the second floor, and stairs are the only way up.  After the grocery shopping and walking at the mall, I was a little tired after getting up those stairs.  I had to sit for a bit.  Grandpa on the other hand stood in the doorway to the Grandson’s bedroom and waited with a surprised look on his face for the Grandson and cousin/sister to notice him there.   Once they did, the laughter and tickling, silly fun ensued.  I love listening (and watching) “Grandpa” play with the kids, he has as much fun as they do.

We took our leave of The Darling Daughter, the Brother-in-law, and the Grand-kids and headed back home.  There was a skywriter working on his technique, as the person was writing the same thing over and over again – Hope.  I took it as a sign.

Hope, there is always hope.  Hope for a pleasant nap in the afternoon, hope for a calm weekend with minimal side effects.  Hope for a cancer free future.  Hope, there is so much in that word, it opens up all the possibilities.

 

Once we were home, I finished putting away the non-perishable groceries, and that is when chemo gut kicked in.  Oh the joys.  At least it waited until we were done with errands.  Now let me point out that I did take an Olanzapine with my morning pills since I knew we would be driving a bit, just to be on the safe side.

About the second or third trip to the bathroom, my stomach decided it wanted in on this action and out of the blue I found myself once again reaching for the bathroom trash can as I “ran” at both ends.  Why thank you stomach for your show of solidarity with my chemo gut.  I know you guys don’t like chemo, but we really don’t have much choice in this matter.

That fun lasted for a couple hours.  Thankfully I purchased a whole lot of fresh ginger from Costco the previous day.  I sliced up a bunch and started making myself some Honey/Ginger tea to help keep me hydrated during this anti-chemo rebellion by my digestive tract.  So much for Olanzapine.  We think it’s the extended time in the car that may be setting this off.  Guess it’s a good thing we decided to not risk the drive up to the SFO area this weekend.  That would have been miserable, for both of us.

Since the Olanzapine didn’t seem to work, guess we go back to the drawing board to figure out what will keep me from having my stomach rebel every time it gets near a vehicle.

Life is keeping “buckets” handy

Took a sleeping pill the previous night so I did get more sleep this time than I did in the first cycle.  When I was still awake at 1 AM, decided I needed to try and nip this in the bud.  I slept until about 7:30 AM.  This was a good thing.  Based on having the same issue of not being able to fall asleep first night of cycle, this would mean by Friday afternoon to Saturday I will basically be unconscious due to spontaneous nap attacks, and Sunday, well that will be the get sick day.

Forewarned is forearmed.

I took my time getting ready for the day, didn’t rush anything, fed the Toothless Wonder Cat, and ate some breakfast myself.  Decided to take my own manicure tools to the nail salon and get my nails done before I had to go to the Acupuncturist.  I finished there and had time to stop at Michael’s Craft Store to find a few items I needed to finish up some gifts.  I also found some yarn….  I have yarn coming out of my ears, but there is NEVER enough yarn.  I also found a frame for The Grandson’s School Picture.  He is now proudly displayed on my desk.

Arrived in plenty of time at my acupuncturists office and started preparing for my treatment today.  Homa is a wonderful woman, and asked me how I was doing.  We reviewed everything that had happened since our last visit and what symptoms I experienced during the first cycle so she could try and help deal with some of those.  She did remind me that this is an uphill battle, and I should not expect complete relief, totally get that!  I understand we’re dealing with some pretty rough chemicals here meant to kill me slowly.  We can only do so much to help alleviate the symptoms as they arise.  After that she started setting the needles and left me to my meditations.

I start with gratitude for all I have been blessed with, and move to wishes for health and happiness for loved ones and those I know who are struggling with some specific issue.  After I have done that, I set my energy to envelope my body to keep is safe and warm while I delve deep and concentrate on my own cancer.  I envision two armies, one with all my heroines and heroes, favorite warriors, and characters I have loved over the years, all clothed in an opalescent white, riding steads, dragons, wolves, you name it, into battle.  I have Green Men to help heal the “land” that follow the army.  They face Ork like dark gray beings, and I imagine sections of “Orks dying and dissipating in puffs of smoke that fade away.

My hour ended quickly and I had to break off from an intense battle I was envisioning.  My friend from Support Group, Joanne was up next.  We had the opportunity to chat for a few minutes while she got ready and I finishing putting myself back together.

My next appointment is on Monday.

From there I headed to Costco to pick up a few items.  I happened to stop in the clothing section as I did see some pants I thought I might like.  Somewhere between the table with the pants and two tables down with blouses I lost my shopping list.   I retraced my steps twice, it was not to be found.  I texted Hubby and he said since it’s so late, just get what you need from Costco, and then come home.  I thought I needed Olanzapine and had called Dr. Sikaria’s office and asked them to call in a new Rx for me.  When I got to the pharmacy at Costco, they told me I had already picked up Olanzapine two weeks ago.  I could have sworn I picked up Compazine.  Hmmmmm.

Once I was done at Costco, I headed home as The Darling Daughter and her family were coming over so we could celebrate one night of Hanukkah together and watch The Grandson open his gift from us.

I was home just long enough to get things put away when they arrived.

The Grandson LOVED his Nerf Sharp Shooter Rifle and accessory hand gun.  I think his jaw dropped to the floor as he realized what he was opening.  From Mommy and Daddy he received two small Monster Trucks, which also had to be played with before they all left and we went to relax on the sofa before heading to bed.  I was still  having an issue with falling asleep, so night two with taking a sleeping pill.

Life is being forewarned

Chemo infusion is scheduled for 2 PM, so I had time to kill in the morning.  I was still tired, but feeling better.  I was able to drink more this morning, so getting my body back to normal hydration.  I also slept in!  I didn’t wake up until almost 7:30 AM.  It was amazing!

Took all me pre-chemo meds, did some knitting, made sure my electronics were charged, packed my chemo bag, showered and applied my temporary tattoo for this week.  It was warm here, exceptionally warm for December, so a lighter top and headband were on tap for clothing.

We headed to Cancer Care, and wasn’t long until Mark, one of the oncology nurses called me back.  We asked if infusion was a go because of the dehydration I had on Tuesday morning when my blood draw was done.  He checked and said my kidney function came in the acceptable tolerance levels to administer my next infusion.

Hubby walked me back to infusion room 2 with Mark, and we said our goodbye’s there.  Hubby left and I started my set up process for the infusion, move the IV pole to the left of whatever chair I sit in, as my port is on the left, pull out my blanket and put it on the back of the chair, play on my phone while Mark get;s his set up ready to access my port, flush it, and start the Dexamethasone drip first.

Once Mark finishes his set up and the drip is started, I pull out my iPad and knitting to get myself set up to watch Outlander and knit.  I was set for the next 2 plus hours.

Mark did like today’s Temporary Tattoo.  He did research on the “interwebs” and said no one is selling temp tattoos that meet a need like mine of tattooing my port.  I think he was hinting I should start up an Etsy business….

After all my infusions were done, Mark hit me up again to make up tattoos for people to buy.  He also tried to get me to tell him what next weeks tattoo would be.  I don’t tell, everyone has to wait until day of treatment.

By 9 PM I was feeling not quite right and it felt like my stomach has stopped working, nothing was passing.  Not nausea, but not moving either. Trying to keep up my fluid intake was becoming uncomfortable.  I decided to take myself off to bed by 11 PM as I wanted to fall asleep and “feel” this discomfort.  Brushed my teeth, washed my face, took my pills, found I have no more Olanzapine, so I need to call Cancer Care Thursday and reach out to Deborah the NP to get her to submit an order to the pharmacy.  In the meantime I took another Compazine to help keep any nausea at bay.  I still have some Zofran, but want to stay away from that if I can.  I think this was set off by my motion sickness, and that was why they originally prescribed Olanzapine for me in phase 1.

Life is learning how to tweak meds so you stay comfortable

Tuesday I found myself feeling very weak and tired, but able to start drinking again.  Just not a lot.  Tummy really doesn’t want anything in it, so drinking slowly so as not to create a return of the nausea monster.

Because of what has happened with the nausea and vomiting we have decided a 6 hour plus drive to the SFO area is not in the cards right now.  We don’t know what caused the nausea to begin with, but I’m sure chemo is mixed up in this in some way. There is not enough time between my treatment tomorrow and Friday, our planned departure date, to figure out ways to control the nausea.  I do have anti-nausea drugs and hand, but never thought to take them.

I know there will be more family celebrations I can go to, just not Hanukkah this year.  I spent the day mostly just sitting on the sofa knitting, napping and drinking.  I did make myself eat food, but I really do not have much of an appetite.  Hubby says this is the time to take on a high protein diet as I won’t miss the carbs since I can’t taste them.

We got ready to head to Support Group, and there when it was my turn to share I talked about having to cancel our plans to drive north this weekend for Hanukkah, and all that entails, including now I will not see my mother.  The thought of her coming here and being overbearing is daunting at best.  I don’t have the energy to deal with all her questions, smothering and at times critical observations.  I love her, I really do, but there are times when I cannot deal with her.  Having her in my own space where I am finding comfort and peace in any way I can,  is causing me mild distress.  But I know she wants to see me on her trip out here, and part of our reason for wanting to travel north was to fulfill that desire.

I am torn, Hubby says this is about me, so whatever I want goes.  My mother seems frustrated that we don’t have a place for her to stay.  When my Dad comes down, he gratefully takes a mattress on the floor as a place to stay rather than bunk with all his friends and the club they take over for a weekend to gear up for their week long ride in the Arizona area in April.  Mom is not enamored with sleeping on a mattress on the floor as getting up is very difficult for her.

We don’t have a guest room as Hubby works from home.  A home office is more important to us than a guest room that would only be used a handful of times a year.  Priorities!

We also talked about how our Eldest Son called me for my birthday.  If you have read this blog in it’s entirety, you know he has not spoken with us in years.  Having him call was a nice surprise.  Everyone kept asking me questions about all of the above and sharing more and more of these relationships, and at one point it was pointed out to me that all mom’s want to make things better.  I thought for a second and responded, I love my adult children, but I know they are adults now with relationships and households of their own.  I am not going to disrupt what they have made by always jumping into their lives to try and make things better.  I always ask them if they need me and what they want me to do.  All this talking also made me realize having my mother here for a day would probably be OK, but because of all my different reactions to these new chemo drugs I am not sure I could handle anything longer than a one day visit.  I’m so glad she moved to South Carolina and is closer to my Little Brother and his family.  My sister-in -law and my mom get along so well, and I know she has found a daughter that is more to what she is looking for in a mother/daughter relationship.  I know I don’t always fulfill that role successfully with my mother, and it pains me sometimes that I am not always the person she needs.  I know she loves me, and I love her, but just because we love each other doesn’t mean we are able to be the person that fulfills the others expectations.

I will call my mother after my infusion tomorrow and let he know I can take a one day visit from her and anyone else who comes down, but I just don’t have the energy for anything more.

Life is prioritizing

Monday I called the acupuncturist that had been recommended by J in my support group.  Homa, is a very sweet, kind and patient women who listens to everything you have to say and takes it into consideration.  She knows chemo is a thing I have to deal with and I cannot take any anti-oxidants, green teas, or other herbs right now.   She suggested some foods that might help me over the next 11 weeks and agreed higher protein to help retain muscle mass would be good.

I spent over an hour there receiving an acupuncture treatment and discussing what we can do to help combat the effects of chemo.  She said on some it will be an uphill battle, we will continually gain and lose ground, especially on how my gut feels and reacts.  She primarily worked on the neuropathy and I did feel better when I left her office.

When I got home Hubby was awake from his nap, and I told him I’d like a nice drive down the coast.  Driving over to Dr. Homa’s office had given me a nice breath of freedom and I wanted to prolong being out.  It was decided which way we would head and away we went. I had an Egg Nog Latte with me and all was good.   Heading down towards Huntington Beach was great.  We had decided on a place to stop and walk around so I could get some exercise.  All was well.  Although my right foot was starting to bother me a bit.  It felt as if my sock was bunched up at the end of my arch, but I think it was just a reaction to today’s Acupuncture treatment, as I know my sock was not bunched or folded up in that spot and the shoes I was wearing I’ve never had a problem with the arch support being off before.

We headed back to the car and Hubby asked if we should go back the coast or head over to a freeway to go home.  I picked the coast of course.  It would take us longer probably, but I was up for that.  Within 10 minutes or so I was not good.  I was feeling a bit motion sick, so I laid down.  Then I was cold so asked Hubby to close up the sun roof.  Thank goodness one of my “sisters” had sent me Ziploc baggies with the slide zip that open/close to stash in the car, as somewhere around Seal Beach I was sitting up and grabbing a baggy to be sick into.

After assuring Hubby I was really OK, I laid back down.  Somewhere on Terminal Island I was heaving into a second baggy.  I was going down hill fast.  This was not boding well for our plans to head up to the SFO area next weekend to see family and celebrate Hanukkah.

We arrived home and I was definitely no feeling well at all.  I tried laying on the chaise but that did not last long, I was in the bathroom heaving again.  After that bout I laid down in bed.  Hubby had gone out to feed the cat, so was not inside to hear me groaning.  My insides were in knots and I could feel my gut gearing up to add to my misery.  Sure enough, a few minutes later I was back in the bathroom.  I had kicked off my jeans, I could not take the restrictions of that clothing anymore.  I also took off my rings, watch and earrings.  All were laying on the bathroom floor.  I could not pick them up, I was miserable.

Back to bed.  Hubby came in from feeding the cat and saw my leavings on the bathroom floor and without saying anything picked it all up and put the items away.  I felt so bad leaving him a mess of my clothes and such.  Moving was not an option.  I needed to just lay still.  I asked Hubby to bring me one of the small ginger ale bottles we had left over from Thanksgiving.  I sipped a few times before I could not take that movement anymore and laid back down in a semi fetal position.  I really wanted to take off my shirt and bra but could not summon the energy required for such a feat.  And it would require me to move.  My body hated me and movement was not an option.

I dozed for a bit and when I woke I was sore from being in one position for so long.  I turned over onto my left side, which turned out to be a bad move.  Rolling over brought on the nausea again.  Up to the bathroom again.  Maybe this was the Chinese food?  After vomiting again, I felt my gut kicking in and quickly changed my position on the toilet.  As I sat there I felt the nausea gearing up for another round of vomiting, but I was running at the other end as well.  So I grabbed the trash can and proceeded to vomit into that while my gut tried to expel what was left in my intestinal tract.

When I was finished, I peaked into our family room where Hubby was working and watching TV and told him I had puked into the trash can and I just can’t as I stumbled my way back to bed.  This time I did remove my shirt and bra, put on some lounge pants before crawling back into bed.

I was up two more times during the long night.  At one point I woke and felt better so tried another sip or two of Ginger Ale, which within minutes sent me running for the bathroom.  Sleeping on my left side was not an option, so I spent the whole night slowly rolling from my right side to my back and onto my right side again.

At one point, Hubby had come to bed, I have no idea when, but he was on his right side snoring towards me.  My dreams interpreted this as the nausea monster coming back to take over my body again.  It was a physical monster that was going to invade my being.  When I woke I realized it was only him snoring.  I groped around for some ear plugs, which helped, but the one I found for my left ear was not cutting the noise enough for me to get back to sleep.  If I could sleep on my left side for just a bit, nope was not going to happen.  Moving was still not an option, brought on the nausea too much.  So I laid there for about an hour because I could not reach Hubby to ask him to roll over.  I listened to him while he blissfully slept and I wondered if this was really motion sickness from the car or if this was the chemo or the Chinese food.  At one point I had asked Hubby to take my temperature as I felt cold and was not warming up.  It was up a little bit, 99.4F, but not enough to warrant taking the antibiotics on hand for just such a problem.

Eventually Hubby rolled over on his own and I was able to get back to sleep.

Here’s to hoping Tuesday is a better day!

Life is using all your options when you’re sick

Saturday started off good, but I quickly deteriorated.  My body started feeling too heavy to move, and I found myself nodding off to nap land multiple times in the afternoon.   I wasn’t hungry, and I have a feeling not eating contributed to how I felt on Sunday.  I never made it out of my PJ’s on Saturday, and by late afternoon could not even concentrate on knitting.  I took myself off to bed shortly after 8 PM.

I was having a hard time getting comfortable as well, I couldn’t sleep in the bed.  By 2:30 AM I moved myself out to the sofa as I didn’t want to wake up Hubby.  I slept a little better there, I think because I was able to surround my head a little better keeping my temperature better regulated.  Hubby woke up with a charlie horse about 3:30 AM, and I crawled back into bed for about an hour, but again found I was not comfortable, so went back to the sofa for another hour or so of sleep.

I woke up in time to feed the Toothless Wonder Cat at his designated time of 8 AM.  I promptly fell asleep on the lounge, and have no idea when the cat ate or when he left me to sleep.  I napped there for about an hour.  After that I decided I should get my watering done, and was exhausted, I mean shaking muscles exhausted by the time I was done.

I came in and curled up in my corner of the sofa and slept another hour.  I decided I really needed some protein so made myself a nice roast beef and cheese sandwich to get some food and protein in my.  Three naps later I finally finished the sandwich.

I roused myself long enough to take a shower and dress, then had to nap again before I could muster the energy to get my laundry out to the washer.

Things started to get better from there, although I still felt like my body was super heavy and it took a lot of effort to move.  I also noted as I was knitting I would have almost a tunnel vision feel, like my brain could not handle concentrating on more than one thing at a time.  And knitting was slow.  I was not able to knit at the same speed I normally knit.

The kids started showing up about 5 PM to celebrate The Darling Daughter and my birthday.  My youngest is now 30.  My parents are OLD! (LOL).  The Darling Daughter stopped and picked up pie for our dessert, and coffee because I asked for an Egg Nog Latte.  I was still tired, but no longer falling asleep every hour.  I was still having a hard time regulating my body temperature.  One minute I’m hot, the next my head and neck are cold.

I am also noticing the beginning feelings of neuropathy in my feet and hands.  I will be calling the acupuncturist on Monday.  My shoulders and lower back kind of ached, so I took an Advil, that seemed to help.

The air has been so dry, I have set up two humidifiers in the house to try and combat the drying out of my nose, making it bleed, as well as my fingers feeling like they are about to peel apart.

We ordered Chinese food for the gang and Hubby and The Middle Son went to go pick it up.  Diner was a lively affair, with everyone talking, and teasing one another, just the way I like it.  Once we were done eating, we broke out the pie for dessert, and candles were added so The Darling Daughter and I could make our wishes.  The Grandson wanted a candle to blow out too so I told him to ask his uncle to add one more candle for him.  Once we had sung “Happy Birthday” we all blew.

Gifts were exchanged as well as hugs and kisses.  It was a perfect night.  I quickly found myself too tired to continue to sit in the chair at the table so had to excuse myself back to the sofa.  I was better energy wise than I had been in the morning, but still feeling easily tired.

I was ready to go to bed by 9 PM and was quickly asleep after that.

Life is sleeping….

Thursday was the first cycle of phase 2, which was causing me much anxiety over how it would affect me.  For the most part, phase 1 was easy.  Other than the first night not feeling very well, and some minor temporary neuropathy, and being tired, chemo has been very easy on me.

My first infusion was scheduled for 10 AM, even though subsequent infusions are all scheduled later as this should go faster than phase 1 infusions.  Because there is the possibility of adverse reaction to the Taxol in the beginning of the infusion process the first cycle is scheduled early so they have time to deal with possible reactions.

Pre-meds taken the night before and morning of infusion are Histamine-2 blocker (Zantac), steroid (Dexamethasone); Benadryl and Tylenol.   The only one used to help prevent nausea is the steroid.  It actually has double duty, prevent the adverse allergic reaction to the Taxol and prevent nausea.

I had my bag packed and temporary tattoo, I was ready for this.  I was taken back into infusion room 2, and set myself up in a window seat.  I love the view from the windows.  I get to look west over Redondo Beach and see the ocean.  This day there was a layer of smoke over the ocean, and the air smelled of the fires burning throughout Southern California.

 

 

 

 

 

There was a question on my medical records, the nurses were not sure if I should be administered any anti-nausea drugs prior to infusion of the Taxol and then the Carboplatin.  They reached out to the NP that did our chemo teaching appointment – Deborah, and while we waited for her availability, they set up the access through my port, flushed the port and did a blood draw to submit to the study I agreed to be a part of that is researching a blood test to detect breast cancers, and set me up on a slow drip of saline. Mark (one of the infusion nurses), came and asked me what we had been told to take prior to infusion and if Deborah had said anything about administering any drugs prior to infusion through the port.

The nurses had questions about my temporary tattoo, what did it  mean?  This week it was “-cullis” for “Portcullis”.   I explained the word and told them they have the Google, they should look it up.  There was much fun and laughter that ensued as they scrambled to be the first to look up the word Portcullis.

It as decided to give me an additional infusion of Dexamethasone (steroid) while we waited on Deborah, prior to the start of Taxol.   Deborah arrived shortly after that and we reviewed my meds prior to infusion, and it was agreed we would continue with the infusion of the steroid and this would happen every treatment, to supplement what I take at home, and then the Taxol and Carboplatin would be administered.

 

First up, Taxol,  because of the possibility of severe reaction, the first infusion is done slowly and I am watched like a hawk for any signs of reaction so other drugs can be  administered to counteract right away.  Normally it would take about an 45 minutes to an hour to administer the Taxol, the first time takes almost two hours.  No reactions to the Taxol, so after the first 45 minutes, I was finally on the full drip strength.

 

 

I watched Outlander and worked on my knitting, while this new drug dripped slowly through my port into my system. When the Taxol was done, they set me up with the Carboplatin.  This would take 40 to 45 minutes to administer.  I continued to watch Outlander and knit while this drug completed it’s drip into my system.

 

I was finally done and my port was unhooked from the IV’s, I packed up my bag and away I went.  I wasn’t sure how I felt, no Neulasta this time, so nothing to finalize my treatment.  I was mentally checking my body, how did my tummy feel, the gut, my heart?

Hubby was waiting for me and away we went.  He wanted Del Taco, so we stopped there for some lunch before we headed home.  My tastebuds were still not back from my last cycle of chemo, so I added two hot sauces to my basic tacos in hopes I would be able to taste them.

I had some slight nausea/indigestion most of the afternoon and evening.  I could not eat anymore as my lunch remained in what felt like my throat forever.  It was bed time so off to bed we went.  I could not sleep.  I tried, I meditated, I read, I went through my relaxation techniques several times, nothing was working.  I finally fell asleep sometime after 12:30 as that was the last time I looked at the clock.

I was wide awake at 4:30 Friday morning.  Hot flash and chemo gut had me awake.  I tried again to get back to sleep.  Less than four hours of shut eye I knew was not enough.  Again, I went through my relaxation techniques, meditation and then finally resorted to reading.  Three hours later when Hubby was getting up I was still reading hoping to fall back to sleep.  I gave up.  I got up and got ready to feed the Toothless Wonder Cat.  I was hungry!  I made a fried egg and cheese sandwich, but could not finish it.  That was a good sign, I guess.

I fed the cat and fell asleep for a few minutes.  Guess a catnap is better than no nap.  Hubby had an appointment with our favorite Chiropractor/NP for a follow up on his tennis elbow.   I showered and got dressed while he was gone as we had plans to work on some holiday shopping after he was done.

I had the first batch of holiday letters to go out so we stopped at the post office so I could get those in the mail, before we headed to look for a few holiday gifts. I also needed some more ink for my printer and labels.  I picked myself up a new iPad case as I had dropped the last one and a couple of the corner casings that hold the iPad in the case had broken and my iPad kept slipping out.

We finished our few stops and headed to Burger City Grill for some lunch.  I was not very hungry so only ordered a burger.  I could barely taste it.  When you can’t taste your food I find I am not inclined to eat much.

I didn’t have to take any anti-nausea drugs on Friday, and had no other adverse symptoms from my infusion on Thursday.  Maybe I will get through the next 11 weeks with minimal issues.  One can hope.

I tried napping several times, but to no avail.  I was exhausted, and wanted to sleep.  I think it was all the steroids.

Finally about 8:40 PM Friday I felt like if I closed my eyes I would be able to fall asleep.  I quickly readied myself for bed, and hit the sack.  I was out in minutes.

Life is enjoying a good nights sleep