Month: December 2017

Yesterday I forgot to get my blood draw done.  It’s ok, I have some leeway, but I had to be there first thing this morning.  Happy Birthday to me!  But since I am a morning person now, no big deal.  I was ready to go to the lab before 7 AM which is the time the lab opens.  I had to wait a while as there were a ton a people that had already scheduled appointments for 7 to 7:30 AM.  I get the same phlebotomist every time.  I think she makes sure she does my blood draw.  This morning she was getting the paperwork set up and as she was asking me to confirm my birthday, she turned and gave me a big hug, wishing me a wonderful day.  How do you beat that?

I did tell her I would be coming in weekly now for 12 weeks.  She is such a wonderful person and I don’t even know her name.  She remembers where the blood comes out, and makes sure she takes care she doesn’t bruise me.  And she knows band-aids make me itch, so she always uses the stretch tape to hold pressure on the cotton once she is done.   She always has a smile for me and asks me how I am feeling.  One of the many angels in my life.

Once I was done, and back home, we got ready for my real birthday celebration – going to Disneyland.  We had reservations at Carthay Circle in Cal Adventure for lunch, and that would leave us enough time to head over to Disneyland Park so I can watch the Christmas Parade.  It’s an annual tradition, one that Hubby indulges me every year.  It’s the same parade, many of the same people in the parade, every year.  And I LOVE it!  I love the “Tin Soldiers, the floats, the dancers, the “ice skaters”, the gingerbread men and the reindeer.  I love it all!

We arrived a bit early so had time to walk a bit in Cal Adventure before our lunch reservation.  Hubby had a friend from his Support Group who was also celebrating her birthday today.  She and her husband booked two nights at the Grand Californian and we had made arrangements to save them spots for the parade.  We had a wonderful lunch at Carthay Circle, I just wish my tastebuds would have cooperated just a little bit and let me taste what I am sure was a wonderful Tri-Tip Steak with potatoes Concannon and blue cheese.  I could taste the blue cheese.

After we finished our lunch we headed over to Disneyland and staked out spots on Main Street and texted hubby’s friend to let them know where we were so they could find us after they finished their lunch.  I loved every minute of the parade, and enjoyed meeting my co-birthday celebrant and her husband.  We walked for just a bit after the parade, threw coins in the wishing well, took a picture in front of Sleeping Beauty’s Castle, and then Hubby bought me a new Pandora charm – Cinderella’s Coach.  Love that man!

We headed home after that.

Another surprise happened this morning, The Oldest child called me to wish me happy birthday.  We talked for maybe 10 to 15 minutes.  He wants to try and get together for dinner one night, the two of us.  I told him I need to figure out how I will react to these new chemo drugs I start tomorrow and will get back to him.

When we arrived home I found flowers from Deda and her family waiting for me, and a gift from the Darling Daughter sitting on the kitchen table.  I have not opened her gift yet, I want to wait until we can be together to do this.  Her birthday is coming up, maybe we can do this on Sunday for family dinner.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Tomorrow is the first cycle of phase 2.  The unknown…  I don’t know why this phase is giving me more anxiety than phase 1 did, but there it is.  I am a little scared about how these drugs will effect me.   One day at a time, TCST.

Life is celebrating all the milestones and traditions

Monday was a recovery day.  I was still very tired from all the adventures of the weekend.  We did have to get to Costco to pick up the next round of prescriptions for phase 2 of chemo, and after a 2 hour nap by me after lunch, we did accomplish this task along with picking up a few items we could use to keep us and the Toothless Wonder Cat fed this week.

I finished the wristlet warmers, will post a picture of them once they are done drying.  (Hand wash and block to have the yarn to remember the shape you want them to be in when worn.)

Now the contemplation as I head into phase 2 of chemo.  The new unknown.  There is a bit of trepidation going into this new phase.  Blink is still there, a slightly denser area of tissue than the surrounding area of my breast.  It seems firmer the last couple weeks, not as mushy as it was just 3 weeks ago.  Is Blink fighting back?  It’s still a large area that feels slightly firmer than the rest of the breast tissue, how much will have to come out when we do the lumpectomy?  When my aunt went in for her lumpectomy she ended up having to have a complete mastectomy.  Will this be my fate as well?   How will I feel about this?f

How will the Taxol and Carboplatin affect me?  Chemo school told us that Taxol will make me tired, and it will have a cumulative effect on peripheral neuropathy.  How bad will this get?  I have mouth sores again from the last cycle of phase 1, will phase 2 make these worse?  Chemo mouth has kicked in again, will this just stay this way now?  How tired will I get?  Will my blood work remain good enough to continue treatment weekly?  I hate so many unknowns.  Hubby reminds me we take it one day at a time.

I can tell you right now with the ever changing consistency of  Blink, it concerns me that Blink has firmed up a bit since the 3rd cycle of phase 1.  I imagine the cells of Blink as malevolent dark gray beings delighting in finding ways to defeat the chemo drugs and my good cells.  I spend time every morning meditating, envisioning my healthy pink, gold, whitish, shining cells girding for battle, riding the steads created by the chemo drugs, charging into battle against Blink’s evil army.  I try to always see my army winning, but I’m not sure who is winning at this point of the battle.

There are times when I feel petty that I am so concerned with just me, there are so many others out there fighting bigger battles, but dammit, its my life on the line too, and I still want that long one.  The one where I get to see the progeny of my progeny grow, love, learn, marry, and have children of their own.  Where I get to see where we take ourselves as a people, how we grow, learn, expand our technology, go to Mars!  Explore space, explore the unknown in our own world.  I want to see all this, experience it, talk about how far we have come with my great-grandchildren.   I still want this, all of this, and more.

If I have to sacrifice my whole breast to get this, it’s what I will do.  Blink is not winning this war.  And that is what it is, war, and I will win.  I am Galadriel, I am Eowyn, I am Arwen, I am Mulan, I am Lucy Pevensie, I am Susan Pevensie, I am Rogue, I am Xena, I am Natasha Romanoff, I am Diana Prince, I am Merida, I am Hermione Granger, I am Jo March, I am Katniss Everdeen, I am Lisbeth Salander, I am Leia, I am Lilo, and I am Stitch, warriors and fighters for good they are all, all are in me, and I am strong.

And Blink whispers someone has to lose….

Life is holding on to your heros

My cousin and I went to have noon tea at a tea house we found in Old Town Torrance.  For noon tea, we were able to get the assortment of tea sandwiches, scones with clotted cream and jam, and Macarons and Sugar Cookies, and we each received our own pot of tea!  We were stuffed by the time we were done.

Chemo mouth decided to kick in full bore Sunday, and I worried  I wouldn’t be able to taste anything, but they had a great Earl Grey Tea that I could taste and it was one of the best Earl Grey’s I’ve had.  Two of the tea sandwich fillings were just to delicate for me to taste very well, but I was able to taste most everything else.  The scones were fantastic!  Not too dry, the perfect crumb and fresh out of the oven.

From there we headed to Redondo Beach to walk and stop by my favorite yard store where I can always spend WAY too much money.  Needed a nice contrasting yarn to go with the hand-spun yarn for the wristlet warmers I am making.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

After exploring some of the cute little shops in the Redondo Riviera area we drove around the bend so Deda could see the drive we like to take, ogle the houses and take in the breathtaking coastal views.  Also showed her the Glass Chapel.  She loved it.  After that drive we stopped at the store to pick up what we needed for dinner.  Simple, fresh tortellini, Alfredo and Pesto Sauces, broccoli to chop up and add to the sauce, and sourdough boules.

Darling Daughter called in the morning, she wasn’t feeling well so would not make it to dinner.  Bummed, but I completely understand, don’t want anyone passing anything to me that will put me behind in my treatment plan.

By the time we were starting dinner preparations I was feeling all the activity from this weekend.  My body was starting to feel very heavy and if I sat still long enough, I know my eyes would quickly slide closed and not open for hours.

Dinner was lovely and we played Cards Against Humanity with the Middle Son and his S.O.  We had some good laughs during the game.

I made it to about 8:30 PM before I started to make my way to getting to bed.  I was falling fast.  I felt bad as Deda’s flight kept getting delayed, and I knew she and Hubby would have to stay up to take her to the airport, where as I would be dead to the world in minutes.

I said my good nights to all and sure enough, I was out almost as soon as my head hit my pillow.  I missed the Super Moon and final goodbye’s with my cousin.  Here is to hoping phase 2 of chemo doesn’t take me down to quickly and we an attend the family Hanukkah celebration here in a few weeks at my cousin’s house.

Life is being able to say goodnight when you need to

I am happily exhausted.  My legs feel like rubber and I know if I allowed myself at 6:30 PM, I would fall fast asleep right now.  We went to the Long Beach Aquarium and opted for a 45 minute behind the scenes tour.  I got the BEST selfie ever during this tour.  It started out being introduced to some young rays that had been removed from the display as they were just a little too stressed to deal with the ogling by the public.  They were very happy to have a small group of visitors and showed off for us like puppies.  That led to the best selfie ever.

 

 

 

 

 

 

We also had the best luck of timing when the one of only two sea turtles in residence at the Aquarium decided to come up for air, while we were in the Tropical Reef portion of the back stage tour.  He usually sits down at the bottom for 3 to 5 hours before coming up for air.

 

 

 

 

 

 

This lead to seeing baby Jellies and a host of other sea critters too small, sick or new to the aquarium and needing some special attention before they are ready to be on display.   We fed the Lorikeets too!  

 

 

 

 

 

And there was the otters, cannot forget the sea otters.  

 

 

 

 

 

 

There were other selfies and photo bombs too:

 

 

 

 

 

 

And we saw there the Aquarium personnel have created a garden of Milkweed for Monarchs to breed.  We saw them before they become the butterflies:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And we cannot forget the puffins, Jellies on display and the Sea Dragons.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

There was so much more we saw, but didn’t want this post to be just pictures.  I am glad we took the time to do this.  So much fun and I am so thankful my cousin/sister who despite her back pain was a trooper for me.  Took breaks to sit, and used elevators instead of stairs a lot to make sure I didn’t exhaust myself too much.

After we tired ourselves out at the Aquarium, we walked over to The Auld Dubliner for some good Irish Pub fare to fill our empty stomachs.  I missed not having a good Whiskey or Ale with my Shepherds Pie Boxty, but it still tasted good.

I am sure I will sleep like a log tonight.

And I have exhausted my cousin…

 

 

 

 

Life is taking time to experience the wonders of our world (and naps!)

First let me put out there that Thursday was a good day.  I surprised Hubby with tickets to go see Thor: Ragnorak as I really wanted to see this in the theater before it was pulled.  Had a great time, but discovered I could not taste the popcorn on any taste bud, and of course my favorite “Squishy” flavor was not available, Blue Raspberry, so I had to settle for a small Root Beer, which I could also barely taste.  Despite the snacks being a disappointment, I still enjoyed getting out to the movie.

The shakes for this cycle have set in as well, along with the minor neuropathy.  I’ve pulled out my MELT method physical therapy balls and started the practice up again hoping it helps.  I even tried doing some of the pressure points while in the theater as I notice the almost numb feeling settling in when I am sitting still.  I think I need to reach out to the acupuncturist sooner rather than later and get a jump on this.  Now it’s just a problem to remember to make the darn call!  Damn chemo brain.

Friday my cousin flew back down for a weekend of Kimmy/Deda time.  She loves her new mermaid tail snug sack.  I had already planned for us to go see Coco Friday night, and we planned dinner at a restaurant we discovered close to the theater.  Good Stuff, and despite my taste buds crapping out, I still managed to taste some of my delicious breakfast served all day long dinner.  Krabby Cakes Benedict!  YUM!  Deda had a salmon special and I could taste the tomatoes and capers.  I really want to go back when my taste buds are cooperating.  I can just imagine how good Good Stuff will taste then.

We loved the movie, it broke my heart and then made it whole again and 2 times bigger.  I love how so many different cultures all remember their dead in similar ways.  I want to embrace them all.  Maybe because I know my ancestors are some of the “angels” that watch over me and have been my protection and guides in this lifetime.  They have been a comfort to me in times of sadness and need, encouragement when I have needed a silent push, as well as a kick in my rear when I have wallowed in my dark too long.  I cannot imagine my life here without their presence in the still times when I listen for them with my heart and soul.

Back to Kimmy and Deda time.  We had thought about heading to Catalina for the day, but I am still too tired for that kind of dedicated hours long trip.  And when we started researching boat rides, one price to be on deck, another higher price to be able to sit inside a cabin, rates for renting a golf cart so I do not have to walk too much, limited departure times from San Pedro and Catalina, we decided this would not be a good time for me to go.  The shakes make me tire easily when I am active, combining this with a forced all day trip to the island would not be fun.  So we decided we will go to the Aquarium in Long Beach for a few hours instead.  There are lots of places for me to rest and Lorikeets to feed!  And they have otters and penguins.  Can’t beat that!  We also made reservations at a tea house on Sunday for the two of us to go have a tea lunch.

Kids are going to be here for Sunday night dinner, and Deda doesn’t fly out until late so she will be here as well.  We have already planned the menu and will have the ingredients here and hopefully made so we can all sit and enjoy each others company.

Deda did give me a great compliment while we were watching the Ellen Show Friday.  There was a clip of the new movie The Shape of Water and Ellen had Octavia Spencer as a guest.  As Ellen was interviewing Octavia about the movie, Octavia made a comment about the Water Mans butt, and how shapely it is, and how nice it is to look at.   Deda turns to me and says “you really do pull off the bald beautifully.  Your head is the perfect shape, like the Water Mans butt in The Shape of Water.”   I loved it!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I also finished two more chemo hats for donation using the yarn sent to me by another cousin who had tons of hand spun yarns.  I am working on some hand warmer/wristlets with the remaining yarn from that skein.

 

I will update more later when I have more to talk about.  In the mean time, hope you all enjoy your weekend!

Life is remembering your roots