This morning was a check up with Dr. Sikaria. We discussed my exhaustion, the neuropathy, my adding CBD oil and discontinued all the other anti-nausea drugs that had been prescribed. She also palpated Blink. I cannot feel Blink anymore, but she digs a bit deeper than I do and she can still fill Blink. She is concerned that I am spending more and more time in “hibernation”, and that the neuropathy is constant now. She consulted with another one of the oncologists on staff and confirmed her thought of discontinuing the Carboplatin from my chemo regime. She feels the risk to benefit ratio is not worth continuing the Carboplatin at this point.
Dr. Sikaria has wants be back in two weeks for another check up. At that time we will decide if continuing with Taxol for four more weeks will be in the cards for me or not. She is worried about permanent neuropathy and doesn’t feel that continued exhaustion on Taxol is worth the treatment.
I am not sure how I feel about all of this. I am relieved to be getting rid of one of the drugs that is making me so tired and contributing to the neuropathy, but this scares me as well. What if by reducing my chemo regime leaves me less protected from recurrence? What if this means Blink really does continue to spread? I know that Carboplatin is not a standard treatment for my kind of cancer, but knowing I had multiple drugs going into this fight with me. Even knowing the best treatment has always been the Adriamycin and Cyclophosphamide followed by Taxol for triple negative cancers and losing the Carbo should not in the least effect my treatment, it’s still leaves me afraid of the future.
Dr. Sikaria has also ordered an ultrasound of Blink before my next appointment with her so she can see the progress.
As I was instructed, I have reached out to Dr. Madorin’s office to start the set up for surgery once I was 6 weeks out from completing chemo. Dr. Sikaria believes I am still an excellent candidate for lumpectomy followed by radiation. I am afraid that I may lose my whole breast, not just the lump. I have a plastic surgeon and will meet with her again to prep for surgery, and confirm with her if the whole breast has to go, reconstruction is my wish. I am sure there are more details we will have to work out prior to surgery and as soon as I have an appointment with Dr. Madorin, my cancer surgeon I will reach out to Dr. Goldberg for the follow up on the reconstruction/rebuilding of my breast tissues during the cancer surgery.
Dr. Sikaria said if she does decide to end my Taxol treatments early she will reach out to Dr. Madorin directly to have my surgery moved up to coincide with the end of chemo treatments.
Now I wait to see what this week brings with only having Taxol in my regime and if that helps with the exhaustion and the neuropathy. I hope it eases enough that I can finish all 6 remaining treatments. I want that reassurance that finishing the planned treatment schedule. I want that in my bucket of all options explored to beat this cancer.
Life is trying not to worry about my future
I’ve had you on my mind all day, ever since we talked about changing the chemo regime. I know this is very scary because it is now going to be different than the original plan. Be confident in your Oncologist. She knows more than you or I do about this. The fact that Blink has shrunken so much is a good indication that the treatments you have already had did their job. It is okay if she wants to change up the routine to something that will not leave you with permanent neuropathy. I have it in my hands and feet and, believe me, you don’t want any part of it. It comes and goes, but it is a real nuisance. So maybe you will have your surgery sooner than you thought. That’s okay too. You will get Blink outta there and know whether or not it did more damage than you can tell without actually going in and taking a look. The upside is you get a nice boob job so you will have perky boobs again. Radiation, while uncomfortable, will take care of any loose threads that may be hanging around. Once you are healed from that, you can get on with your life, which will be long and healthy. Remember: treatable, curable, survivable, temporary. LYTTMAB