Month: February 2018

It’s been a week since my last update. That was the day I found out that going up for my family’s Passover observance was going to be out of the question, and I was sad. As I said last week, I perked up on Thursday, only for Hubby to come down with a bad cold. Not the flu, he really didn’t have a fever, and only had body aches the very first day, and since then sneezing, coughing, hacking, gacking, and lots of nose blowing.

Now I have the cold, despite our best efforts to keep it away from me. I have not had any body aches, just the stuffy head, sneezing, coughing, hacking and gacking trying to breathe. I also have confirmed my “reconstruction” date; March 23. I have to be at the hospital at 7:00 AM with surgery scheduled at 9:00 AM. Carolyn is still working on getting approval for an overnight stay vs. outpatient so I can utilize the rider on our insurance that covers the deductible for overnight hospital stays but not outpatient surgery.

The past week has been spent sleeping, eating, sleeping, watching Olympics, sleeping and more sleeping. It seems the further away I get from my last chemo treatment the more tired I am. This has had me searching the Question/Answer section of Beyond the Shock to see what others have experienced. Evidently this is a normal phase post chemo. Also the swelling in my face and losing most of my eyebrows and eyelashes after chemo ended is a frequent result for many going the chemo treatments I did. I noticed most people who lost most of this auxiliary facial hair after chemo ended did not get it back until 6 to 8 months later, and this was for the hair on their heads too. Joy, I get to go back to work sans hair. I don’t mind the bald head part, but I really miss my eyebrows.

I also stumbled across a response from a gal who said her nipple turned blue from the Sentinel Node tracing dye that was injected prior to her lumpectomy. She opted to forego reductions/lift of her other breast and said her left breast is two cup sizes smaller than her unaffected breast. Glad I opted for the plastic surgery, what a pain in the arse to have to stuff one cup of your bra to make it match the other one. I don’t think this would bother my husband, but dealing with such a size variance just strikes me as a royal daily pain to add to the process of dressing.

My taste buds are still off, dairy still tastes nasty on my tongue, but I am noticing a slight improvement in taste of normal foods. My mouth doesn’t taste bad anymore just on its own. The white coating on my tongue is starting to fade. My acupuncturist says the white coating on my tongue is directly related to my digestion. Speaking of digestion, I no longer feel like food is up in my throat after I eat, so that has improved. I tried cutting back on the Prilosec I take in the morning (2 tablets) as it’s much easier to deal with GERD during the day than at night. By 3 PM I was starting to deal with acid reflux and had to chew on a few Pepcid tablets. Even though food is starting to digest faster I still cannot cut back the proton-pump inhibitors yet. Two Prilosec in the morning and one with a Zantac at night still.

The neuropathy has not improved and I found in my perusing of the questions/answers on BTS that I can still lose my nails yet. I have blood spots under some of my nails that started appearing more than a week after my last chemo treatment. These are splinter hemorrhages, caused by the chemo. There were several posts about losing your finger and or toe nails after chemo ended. Best suggestion to keep from ripping nails off is to keep them trimmed very short. Mine are already trashed from the chemo, so keeping them short is not going to be hard.

The chemo rash I developed is slowly clearing up. It only itches occasionally, and it’s not nearly as red as it was before. The swelling in my face has not gone down. I really want my face back. Again, what I found on the BTS website was examples of women who stated they had swelling for 4 to 6 months, and a few even longer after the end of chemo. Most of them complained of the swelling in the legs, feet and hands, mine is mostly my face and fingers. The neuropathy is very annoying. I wake up in the morning and because there has been no pressure on my hands or feet they feel “normal”. The minute I touch something the tingly numbness is back, with occasional pain/ache in my fingertips and toes if I put too much pressure on them. I am getting a little better about not dropping things, but I still have that problem, along with not being able to open jars.

The Toothless Wonder Cat has taken to sleeping in the house at night for the past couple weeks. He asks to come in anywhere from 6 PM to 9 PM and curls up on my lap until we head to bed. Last night Hubby started snoring a really deep reverberating snore that cut right through the bed, pillow and ear plugs to wake me up shortly after falling asleep. There was no way I was falling back to sleep with that kind of snoring happening, so I came out to the sofa. The Cat sleeps on the chaise on top of a blanket I crocheted years back.

Because I am sleeping about 10 hours at night now, Hubby has taken over feeding The Toothless Wonder Cat in the mornings before he wants to go back outside. This morning The Toothless Wonder cat jumped up on the ottoman that was next to the sofa by my head and gently reached over to pat me on the arm with his paw to let me know he was ready for food. I woke to his little fuzzy face right next to mine checking me out while I was sleeping. He was so cute, and it was a nice way to be woken up, soft paw and a small meow.

Next week will start to get more exciting. I start my pre-op appointments so I can be cleared for surgery on March 16, which is the lumpectomy. I start with my primary care physician and take her the list of items that have to be checked off in order to be ready the following week. I know there is an EKG and blood work that has to be done. I believe there is a chest x-ray as well, among other things. Here’s to hoping all my tests come back in a “normal” range so we can keep my treatments moving forward.

Life is snuggling with a soft kitty

Two weeks since my last chemo infusion and I want to feel normal. I don’t, just feel tired, with numb fingers and toes, and no taste buds, no eyebrows and a swollen face still. Everyone in Support Group last night was very supportive, and told me it will take time, a long time. I want it now. I don’t know why I am so impatient. I also told them how moving forward in my treatment plan is exciting but scary as well, being a triple negative person. Most in my group have follow up therapies for the hormone receptive or HER2 cancers. Once I am done with radiation, that’s it. Just follow up scans and appointments to check on me. Grace, who works at Kaiser, told me that she works with a surgeon there who is a 17 year survivor of triple negative cancer. That helped! I can be one of those statistics, one that lives a very long life after triple negative breast cancer.

One of the gals in my support group did tell me why my nose runs so much. She said her Oncologist told her when she was lamenting the impending loss of her hair, that she would miss her nose hairs more, as her nose would run all the time. I looked at her and said is they why my nose runs so much and why I am going through Kleenex like I own stock in the damn company? She laughed, and said yup!  As soon as your nose hair grows back it will stop running so much.  So there is that fun little tidbit of information. Be thankful for your nose hairs, it keeps you from having to constantly wipe/blow your damn nose. I wonder if my eyes constantly watering are from my lack of eyelashes?

Sandy who is two years ahead of me on her diagnosis of triple negative BC is going for her two year tests in the next month.  She told me she is basically a vegan now; as her oncologist told her diet is her only way of combating recurrence. Not sure I can go Vegan, but I can concentrate on a more vegetarian diet. Hubby might like that as well. Once I have the energy to cook again.

As I previously indicated, primary surgery is set for March 16th. Dr. Goldberg’s office called me today to let me know they are trying to secure March 22 or March 23 OR time for my reconstruction/reduction/lift. They did tell me I would not be ready for travel by the weekend of March 30th. I will still be very uncomfortable. This has made me slightly depressed today. I was so looking forward to being able to see my family for our Passover holiday observance. Now I just want to cry. I am trying really hard to not let this disappointment get me down, but I seem to be fighting a losing battle. I just want to mourn the fact that I have become a prisoner to cancer the past 5 months, and just when I had a glimmer of respite, cancer foils the day again. Fucking boob! I didn’t even want to get dressed after they called me. I have stayed in my PJ’s all day.

I know I have so much more to be thankful for, and there will be time soon when I will be able to travel again, even drive myself. There will be a time when my brain will not always go “squirrel” and I completely forget what I am doing, while I am doing it! I know I will be able to see my family again, and I won’t have to worry about my compromised immune system and this horrid flu season. (This will be the first thing I can stop worrying about!) I know there will be a day in the near future when I will be able to taste again, and eventually my fingers and toes will feel normal. But today, today I am just sad that once again cancer rules my life and something I was looking forward to doing is now out my grasp.

Hubby tried to make it better by promising me a trip before I go back to work. We will finally scatter his Dad’s ashes in Pennsylvania and we can swing down to South Carolina to visit with my family there before coming back home. He wanted to give me something to look forward to, and yes, that sounds wonderful, but it has not helped remove the grey blanket that has draped my heart today. Tomorrow will be a better day. I will be excited about my perky new boobs I will have at the end of the surgeries. I will look forward to the end of my treatment, and having hair to play with again, and being able to take myself for a drive around the bend with the top down. Tomorrow, not today.

Life is about tomorrows

 

I know it’s been a few days since I have posted. My life is pretty boring right now. Sleep, watch Olympics, nap, watch Olympics, nap, nap again, watch Olympics then go to bed. I do eat between naps. I know all my doctors keep saying embrace the sleep, which is when most of the healing happens, but I sure would like to note some improvement. I think I don’t take as many naps during the day. Most naps are me just falling asleep while watching the Olympics.

The neuropathy has not improved really. I know Dr. Sikaria said it would take a long time for it to go away, but even a little improvement would be nice. I am counting the days until I can taste again. All my research and talking with those in my Support Group, about a month from the end of chemo until taste buds return. Woot Woot! A little over two more weeks.

At this point I am not sure what I want more, eyebrows or taste buds. I would also like my face back. It’s still very puffy from the steroids and chemo. I tried a little bit of makeup yesterday, but it just looked stupid to me. I kept it on anyway. Some light eyebrows, just a dusting of shadow on my lids and mascara on what’s left of my eyelashes. I felt clownish, but no one said anything and I am sure Hubby or at least Darling Daughter would have said I looked horrible with the little bit of makeup.

We celebrated the Grandson’s 6th birthday yesterday since they will not be able to come over next weekend. Grandson picked dinner – Orange Chicken with rice and broccoli. Darling Daughter cooked and also made a really nice lemon cake with lemon icing. Grandson was overwhelmed with Lego’s, but was excited about the three Play Station games we got him as well.

Dr. Ali-Jones office called me this morning, Surgery is confirmed for Friday March 16th. I have to be at the Breast Diagnostic Center at 7:15 AM and surgery is planned at Torrance Memorial at 11 am. At the Breast Diagnostic Center (part of the Torrance Memorial complex) they will numb my breast and then using a Mammogram and/or Ultrasound they will insert a small wire directing the surgeon (Ali-Jones) to the marker that was left behind during my biopsy. They will then inject a radioactive isotope under my nipple so the Sentinel nodes are identifiable by scan at time of surgery so Dr. Ali-Jones can remove the first two or three nodes to check for cancer cells. A pathologist will check the nodes in the OR, and they will keep removing axillary nodes until they have confirmed the last node taken is cancer free. We’re not too worried as the MRI I had last September showed no nodes indicating cancer and an MRI is really good at picking up cancer in Lymph nodes.

I still have not heard back from Dr. Goldberg’s office about my plastic surgery. I will have to follow up with them to find out what is going on there.

We do have some shopping to do this week, one of my “other” sons is getting married this year and the bridal shower is on Saturday. I am not up to going to the shower all the way out in Pasadena, but we will pick up a gift and give it to his mom so take for us. Plus, it gives another excuse to go visit with his parents up the street.

Life is slowly healing

Despite the elation from yesterday’s decision to stop chemo, today I am just tired. We did go to Costco to pick up my prescriptions that were ready. I forgot I had already called to refill one of them and when I went to ask for refill they said it was already filled. Damn chemo brain.

The Grandson was seen at a pediatric orthopedist over in Torrance this morning to have a cast put on and for the follow up care on his buckle fracture in his left arm. He picked out bright green as the color for his cast. They stopped by after they were done so we could be the first to sign his cast. It had been a while since Grandpa and the Grandson had seen each other, so there was lots of playing and a stint hiding under the folding tables we still have up in the big room talking about all sorts of things.

I finally had to succumb to a nap and told them I just could not stay awake any longer and was going for a nap. That is when the Darling Daughter and Grandson said their goodbyes and I headed to bed. I think I was asleep before my head even hit the pillow.

Neighbor across the street came over with a little gift for me to help celebrate the end of chemo. I got roses and a beautiful wooden box with a tree of life to use it as a wish/hope keeper. Included was a matching card and he put in a poem he had received at the end of his chemo some years back. I love our neighbors!  I also have great support with all my friends in facebook!  I am amazed at how many have responded to my post of “No more chemo!”.  Thank you all!!!!!

Normally we would be at Support Group right now, but I have felt bed calling me for a while now, even after the extra long nap today. We didn’t go to Group as I need to sleep more than I need group today.

I did hear from the surgeon’s office this morning, first surgery will be mid-march, around the 17th. I will have the paperwork in a day or two and that will be final confirmation of when surgery is scheduled. I will have “homework” to do prior to surgery. I will get all that with the paperwork and who I need to see and when. I remember hearing something about another full physical, and EKG and chest x-rays. There were some other things, but I don’t remember. Because we will not have confirmation that clean margins (no cancer cells detected) in the pathology report until 3 to 4 days after surgery, and if there are no clean margins, Dr. Ali-Jones will have to go back in and take out more breast tissue, I am not scheduled for the repair and reduction/lift on my other breast to make it match until about 2 weeks later. I am waiting on Dr. Goldberg’s office to confirm the surgery date for that.

Life is waiting

This morning was my appointment with Dr. Sikaria, well, it was scheduled for almost lunch time, technically still this morning. As promised I told her about two weeks ago I had a two day break from the neuropathy, but it came back worse than before, and it now is painful in my fingertips and toes when I put any pressure on them. Hubby last night asked me if I was OK while I was typing up yesterday’s post, and I replied, “Yes, why?” He said I was pounding on my keys like I was angry or upset. That was when I realized because I cannot feel the keys very well, I am typing harder than I normally would. So there is that.

I also told Dr. Sikaria about the rash that has appeared on my hands and face in the past two weeks, and I told her about what happened yesterday. Told her how it all started, how I fell off the toilet due to the pain and not having the energy to hold myself up anymore, how I thought for sure I was going to die, or end up being taken to ER half naked with a dirty behind. Her first words were “We’re done with chemo. This can all be chalked up to the Taxol, and this is your body’s way of telling us it has had enough, it cannot take anymore.” What a relief! I am still a little scared that not completing all 12 cycles of the Taxol means a recurrence down the road, but I am trying really hard to not think about that. That is a small little dragon that I can tuck nicely away in a corner and not let out.

Dr. Sikaria did schedule me to come back in 8 weeks. I should be done with the surgeries by then and from there I will need to be scheduled with a radiation oncologist for the final phase of my treatment. After that I go into check-up mode. There are no auxiliary treatments to add after all this to try and keep my cancer from returning. Dr. Sikaria said at the beginning she would probably see me every 6 months or so for the first few years.

Now I just need to be patient about my recovery from chemo. She did say it would be a slow recovery process. I know it took over 4 months to get me to this point, so I know it will take months for me to recover as well. But I want the recovery now, not months from now. I want to be able to taste tomorrow, and feel with my fingers, and not feel tired, washed out and drained. I want my face back. I want my real life back. I know that radiation will drain me as well. Even the girls in my Support Group who aced chemo complained about how tired radiation made them. But just for a little bit, I want to feel “normal”.

On a side note, The Grandson is definitely all boy. A few weeks back he ran into a fence at school playing chase with his friends and gave himself a huge hematoma on his forehead. Today, he was climbing a ladder on the playground and fell from 5 feet up. He broke his left forearm – buckle fracture. He’s fine, and smiling for the pictures of the temporary “cast” applied until he is scheduled with an orthopedist for casting. His mommy will be taking care of that first thing tomorrow. In the mean time he’s not allowed to attend school until he is cast correctly.

Life is waiting for surgery

Today was not a good day, not at all. For those with a weak stomach, stop reading now and just know chemo/cancer has a very ugly side.

That said, yesterday was just a normal day, a bit tired, took a nap as usual, watched the Olympics, tried to knit but couldn’t knit for long due to the neuropathy. Knitting made my fingers hurt.

Today started out “chemo normal”, tired, and feeling like I am damp, even though I have not had any really bad hot flashes in a while. I woke up in time to feed the Toothless Wonder Cat. I called him in, but he only wanted to be brushed, he didn’t want to eat. He’s been having mouth problems the past few days and not been eating as well. We try to not worry too much as we know he eats at the neighbors across the street too.

I ate some oatmeal and from there I went to wash up for the day. I needed a shower as well, so took my time as these simple activities really tire me out now. After my shower I had to go lay in bed for a bit before I could even dress, let alone contemplate starting my laundry. After I rested and could get myself dressed, I had to rest a bit again so I could get my laundry together and get that in the wash.

Those two activities completed I went to the sofa to watch the Olympics and try my hand a knitting again. The neuropathy is a little better today, but its still worse than it has been in the past on day 5 of the chemo cycle.

Hubby laid down for a nap, and while he was sleeping our neighbor stopped by with some Hungarian Paprika, both hot and sweet. I owe him a Soy Flour Chocolate Cake with Strawberries. Told him I would get that together for him once I had more energy. He has diabetes, and I know he has a hard time managing his blood sugars. I have tested this Soy Flour Chocolate Cake on other diabetics, and it has been a success with all who have tried it to date, with no elevation of blood sugar.  We talked for a bit, but he could tell I was getting tired so he said his farewells.

It was a few minutes later, while I was back to watching the Olympics that I got that feeling in my gut, yup, I was going to puke. I had just snacked on a banana about 20 minutes earlier. Headed to the bathroom and sure enough, up came some of my banana. My stomach was still feeling queasy, so I grabbed the bathroom trash can and went back out to the sofa as kneeling on the bathroom floor waiting for my stomach to do its thing is just not comfortable.

I heard Hubby answer his phone, sounded like he was talking to his mom while I continued to bring up small bits of banana slowly. Then shit got real. My whole gut started to hurt. And puking wasn’t just bringing up banana; it was trying to bring my toes up as well. Hubby came out of the bedroom and saw me bent over in pain with the puke trashcan in front of me. He texted the kids, no coming over today! I don’t know how you can have dry heaves with food still in your stomach, but I managed to do that a few times. The pain in my entire digestive tract continued to increase. I headed for the bathroom; this was going to get ugly.
I continued to intermittently bring up banana and Lemon/Honey tea between dry heaves. Then I felt the telltale urge to evacuate my bowels. This was diarrhea, and I am not talking watery poop with some solids mixed in, I am talking water pouring out my ass. And everything hurt to the point I felt like I could hardly breathe. Hubby had followed me into the bathroom while I was puking, asking if there was anything he could do. The pain was getting worse. He asked if I wanted water, more tea, anything. Ginger Ale, please. Once I had moved to sitting on the toilet, he exited. So he didn’t watch the horror that happened to me.

I was still puking into the trash can and water coming out the other end with the pain just getting worse. Then I was pouring sweat out of every pore in my body. I kicked off my pants and tossed them over by the bathtub. Then my underwear as I was just so damn hot and pouring sweat, but then another level of pain hit and I had to stop shedding clothes. I heaved so hard I thought I was going to pass out, I went light headed and was very dizzy. The pain just continued to increase and I thought for sure I was going to die right there shitting and puking.

I got through that wave of pain, but was so exhausted I could barely stay sitting on the toilet. I kept thinking, just wipe your ass and curl up on the bathmat. Then my body was on fire and I couldn’t do anything. I fell to the floor with everything hurting; my arms, legs and back on fire, a blazing pain and my gut screaming at me to get back on the toilet. I could not move. All I could think was any second Hubby is going to come back in and find me curled on the bathroom floor in so much pain I could barely breath with a dirty ass and half naked. He’s going to call 911 and this is how I will die.

I cried, and had snot coming out of my nose and pulled my pants over to wipe my nose, then used my wadded up pants to pillow my head. Hubby and gone outside to empty something, and I could hear him talking to someone, but I was in so much pain I could not even call out to him to come help me.

I am not sure how long I lay on the bathroom floor, alternately wishing to die and hoping the pain would end soon. Hubby came in and found me. He flushed the toilet, helped me wipe my ass, and tried to ask me what we should do. I didn’t want to move as everything still hurt, but it felt like it might be starting to go away. Hubby emptied the puke trash bag and put a new bag in the trash can for me. As the pain slowly receded to a horrible itching on my arms and legs we slowly put me back together so I wasn’t half naked. He helped me move to the chaise lounge so I could curl up, but not be stuck in the bedroom by myself.

At one point I felt like he was mad at me, and asked him why he was mad at me, I didn’t do this on purpose. I think it scared him and that was why he sounded angry. He calmed his tone after that, and was very attentive to me the rest of the day. He apologized for being outside for so long, even though it was probably less than 15 minutes. Our old next door neighbors drove up while he was outside and they visited for a bit. They had moved out towards Menifee almost two years ago. They were in the area visiting family and their son wanted to see their old house. Hubby explained what was going on with me and apologized that he could not invite them in for a visit, but today was a bad day.  That was an understatement…

I’m glad he got to visit with them. I’m kind of glad he wasn’t in the house to hear or see my fall from the toilet or hear me crying. It was bad enough to have to admit to him that I couldn’t clean myself up. I am sure if he had witnessed my fall from the toilet, 911 would have been called and I would have been hauled off half naked and covered in shit to the ER.

It took several hours, but I was able to drink all of an 8 oz. can of Ginger Ale and keep it down, even though my stomach protested every sip. I have graduated to Honey/Lemon tea again, and have managed to keep down most of a dry piece of toast. The diarrhea has subsided from all water to liquidy chunks. The fire that crept over my skin that turned to an extreme, painful itch has subsided to an occasional flare up of itch, but not the painful itch it was when it first went from painful prickly fire to itch. I think if I take some Benadryl it will knock out the itch. I will probably add the Benadryl to my night time pills.

Hubby made me promise I will tell Dr. Sikaria tomorrow about what happened today. Damn straight I will tell her! This is the closest I’ve come to thinking I would die or at least make an appearance in the ER. Today was ugly. The ugly part lasted a little over an hour, but that was an hour I was not sure I was going to survive. That scared me, a lot. If it scared me, I can just imagine how Hubby must have felt.

Life is glad today is over
 

This morning was grocery shopping, and picking up my Synthroid Rx from Costco.  We got there right before Costco opened and waited in the food court seating area for the doors to open.  Imagine that, Costco had no record of my renewed Rx being called in.  I called Dr. Levee’s office to find that one of the gals called my Rx into Express Scripts, which I have never used.  Nice…  They were going to call in my Rx to Costco right away.  I didn’t want to wait and I have enough Synthroid to get me through another week or two, so we left.  We will go back on Monday.

From there we hit Trader Joe’s, then the bank and finally Albertson’s.  My neuropathy is worse today, with my finger tips and nail beds hurting.  My feet are numb from my toes to about mid-arch.  The Darling Daughter suggested I use one of the electric carts at the Albertson’s rather than walk on my numb feet.  I contemplated it, but decided to use my own feet as I needed the exercise.

We finished the grocery shopping came home and Hubby unloaded the car while I put the groceries away.  From there we ate lunch and watched the Ninjago movie.  I was ready for a nap, but had a text from my boss checking up on me and then a call from my Dad, also checking in on me.

After I was done getting caught up with both of them, I took my nap.  2 hours later I was ready to watch me some Olympic Opening Ceremonies.  Hubby was out feeding the Orange Fluff Ball who only comes in the house for breakfast.

I’ve noticed over the past week or so a constant feeling of moistness on my upper back and my shoulders.  I figured out why I feel that way today, I have no body hair left if those areas.  No little fuzzes left to insulate me or keep my clothes from clinging directly to my skin.  So even when I do not have hot flashes I feel moist.

I went searching last night for information on how long it takes for taste buds to come back after chemo.  Four to six weeks for taste buds to return.  I also read that my hair will take 6 weeks plus to start growing back and it will be slow.  Fun, I almost miss my hair.  Almost.  I also found another website that looks like it is a good resource for those going through Breast Cancer – Beyond the Shock.   I will add a link on my page as well.  I never understood what Grade III meant on my initial biopsy, now thanks to this website, I understand.  Grades are assigned based on how quickly a cancer grows, Grades 1 through 4.  This along with the Ki-67 measure shows how aggressive my cancer was/is.  I wish I had been more willing to search the interwebs at the beginning of my diagnosis, not that I would change my treatment plan, as all I have researched so far indicates I am on the best course of treatment for my diagnosis.  I just feel I might have been more prepared for what was going to happen to me.  Not that I am sure anything prepares you for dealing with cancer, chemo, all the side effects, and how it will affect your life going forward.

Did I mention the neuropathy is worse today?  And it’s starting to hurt.  It’s very distracting and beyond annoying.  I’m not sure I can even knit if wanted to right now.  Not that I want to knit as I am too tired to concentrate on knitting.

The Darling Daughter sent me a text this morning that basically said I don’t need to be a hero, I have fought the good fight so far, it’s okay to not finish the last two cycles of chemo.  I will not be letting anyone down if I don’t finish the last two cycles.  After today and how bad the neuropathy has been, I really do hope that Dr. Sikaria decides we should skip these last two cycles.  I really am not sure how much more I can take of the side effects.

Life is counting the days until I can taste again

I slept in this morning, woke just in time to call the Toothless Wonder Cat in for breakfast. I got his piece of ham ready, which is what we start with, and went to the backyard. He was not there, so I went to the side door to call him from there. No answer, no orange fluff ball coming up the driveway. The neighbor across the street arrived home from dropping his son at school and told me the Fluff Ball had eaten breakfast at his house and he didn’t know where he was. After we chatted a bit, I came back into the house and put the ham away. I was tired already and a bit cold from the stint outside.

I relaxed on the sofa getting warm again and regaining my strength to get ready to head to acupuncture. I got ready just in time for us to leave for my appointment. I talked with Homa about the neuropathy and how I’ve had no break this week like I did last week. The neuropathy lessened this week, but never went away like it did the week before. Today I can feel it starting to get worse again, with pain starting to show up in my nail beds. Same with my feet, I feel it even when I am not standing on them.

Homa does what she can to help counteract the effects of chemo, but I know this is a losing battle until we stop the chemo. I really do hope yesterday was my last treatment. As much as it scares me to end chemo, I am ready to be done.
Once we returned home, I put some soup on for my lunch and Hubby and I decided to watch a movie on Netflix while we ate lunch. We chose Bright, modern age LA cop movie with Orks, Elves, Fairies and Humans. It was entertaining. After we were done, I called South Bay Surgeons to find out from Michelle what’s going on with scheduling my surgeries since I have not heard back from her yet.

I finally got through to Michelle and she said she had a call into Dr. Goldberg’s office to coordinate what dates are available for surgery. We also talked about how I don’t have my last chemo date yet, it could be yesterday or it could be February 21st, I will not find out until Monday. She asked me to call her back on Monday when I know for sure my last chemo date.

The neuropathy has continued to feel a little worse this afternoon. Hubby asked me if Dr. Sikaria suggests I should continue with the last two cycles of chemo how would I feel about that. I’ve been thinking about that all day. I really hope she will decide to end the chemo with the cycle we did yesterday, but if she really thinks I complete all 12 cycles, then I will do this. I know I am tired and puffy and the neuropathy is slowly getting worse, but I want the cancer gone more than I want to end this now. One of the women who visited on reunion night at Support Group told me she had neuropathy too during her treatment. Hers got much worse than mine is now and hers cleared up in about 6 months. She still gets it in two of her toes on her right foot occasionally. She says it’s only a few times a year at most and just a little numbness and sometimes tingling, but it goes away quickly. Knowing that, if Dr. Sikaria asks me to go the last two weeks, I will.

Hubby just asked that I be truthful with Dr. Sikaria on Monday and explain all that I am feeling right now. I can do that. He doesn’t want me to sugar coat anything. He wants this to end too. I don’t blame him; he’s my chauffeur, my medicine reminder, my cheering section and personal comedian. He reminds me to take it slow when I get frustrated with my inability to do something, like stay awake. He is stuck with me 24/7 right now and I know this has to be hard on him being my caretaker, making sure I am not over taxing myself, making sure I am eating, drinking, taking all my meds, (I said that already), reminding me we will get through this. He’s had one day off when his best friend came into town for NAMM (National Association of Music Merchants), and Hubby went with him on the first day to help him review drum vendors. Daughter and Grandson came over that day and spent time with me which was nice as it was a little scary being home by myself for that long.

I am watching the Olympics, even though opening ceremonies are not until tomorrow, NBC is airing some of the team ice skating events and moguls tonight. I’ve always enjoyed the Olympics. Takes my mind off of my tired and neuropathy. The ice is unforgiving tonight, as I have watched many of the male skaters fall that normally stick their landings. Hubby and I both noted the ice seems soft and the blades are sticking/digging in instead of sliding when the skaters are landing. Not one skater they have interviewed has said anything about it though.

Life is thinking beyond the neuropathy

Tuesday we went first thing in the morning to get my blood work done.  I’m still feeling a bit tired, more so than last week.  I called the Toothless Wonder Cat in to eat once we got back.  We fell asleep on the sofa during brushing and petting time.  Hubby captured a picture of us…

The neuropathy has dissipated a little bit, but it has not gone away.  Last week it was almost gone by this point.  Maybe tomorrow will be be better.

My tasting ability is getting worse and I am fighting yet another mouth sore.  It’s not a full on sore, but I can feel it wanting to become one.

We headed out to Support Group, and arrived the same time as “L”.  She is older and suffers from Osteoporosis.  Her Oncologist wants her on Tamoxifen now that her radiation is over.  She is afraid to take it because one of the side effects could be blood clots and she doesn’t want to have a stroke as that is what killed her grandmother.  The doctor told her if she has not already had problems with blood clots, she probably won’t have them with Tamoxifen, but she is not convinced.  No one in our group has had any issues either, so she’s not getting answers she is looking for.  We also had two new women join our group.  One is completely done with all her treatment, but having a difficult time with recovery.  The other is just starting chemo.  We also had a few gals that have already graduated from group come back for the night as a reunion type thing.  We took the time to talk to them about what they went through and recovery.  One of the gals decided she needed to completely change her life, she quit the job she was in and became a stewardess, she changed all her friends, and her lifestyle.  Wow, that is a lot of change!

I was more tired than I thought I would be so was not as engaged.  I tried to be engaged, but being that tired made it difficult to stay that energized.

Today was infusion day.  The neuropathy is still there.  Last week it was gone by Wednesday and didn’t come back until Friday.  It gradually got a little better through the day, but it’s still there.  Not good….

I got ready after the Toothless Wonder Cat left the house after breakfast.  He’s not been eating all that well as his gums are bothering him again.  I took my time as tired is still a part of my vocabulary today.  I did get up about 5:15 AM, but I think that was the steroid more than not being tired.  I reviewed emails and forwarded what needed to be addressed at work since some customers still don’t understand I am not at work right now.  I decided to go with reading again this week, so made sure my Kindle was fully charged.  Once I was washed and dressed I added my temp tattoo.  I blew the first one which was a great one!  A guy walking while holding a canoe over his head.  It was referring to Port-age.  I had to pick a new one at the last second.    I had taken all my pre-meds except the Benadryl, as I have to take that about an hour before my appointment, so I take it right before we leave.
I already know based on last week’s late blood work still not showing any rebound in my ANC that I would have to go through a finger stick today to insure my ANC has recovered enough for infusion. It tripled overnight, as it has the last 8 weeks. I cannot wait to do blood work the day of treatment as the authorized lab cannot turn the results fast enough, so I have to go the day before and when my numbers do not come up good enough, then the in house lab at Cancer Care is authorized to run a mini panel CBC that insurance will cover. I talked to my chemo nurse about the rash on my hands. She called Deborah my nurse practitioner who said yes it’s from the Taxol and since it’s localized to specific spots on my hands and face and does not itch we’re still good to go with today’s infusion. If it starts to itch I should try Benadryl and/or Hydrocortisone cream to help control the itching. If it starts to dry and crack the skin I am to call in right away. I have a follow up with Dr. Sikaria on Monday, so I think we’re good until then.

I am really hoping this is my last infusion. I am ready to be done. Maybe this will be my last time with this view:
or being hooked up like this:

 

 

 

 

 

 

I have not heard from the Surgery Scheduler yet, so called South Bay Surgeons and asked what is going on. Seems Michelle is the one who does the scheduling for dual surgeries and she was not only sick on Monday, but was sick yesterday (Tuesday) as well. So they asked me to give her until mid-day tomorrow to get caught up again before I try calling back.

I did remember to call Dr. Levee’s office (my GP) about renewing my Synthroid Rx. Melissa forgot to call me back and tell me yes, Dr. Levee was authorizing my renewal. She called it in late yesterday. Friday should be grocery shopping day again, so I will have Hubby take me over to Costco to pick up my new Rx for Synthroid. Thank God that one is done.

I made the mistake of asking Hubby to pick me up two fish tacos on his Del Taco run tonight. I knew I shouldn’t eat that late today as chemo really messes with my stomach. Digestion is slower than molasses in January! Now I have food up in my throat and I am ready to head to bed.

Life is waiting for Monday

Some time during the late afternoon Friday and Saturday morning I arrived home.  My brother shipped the six foot cut out of me to me!  I also forgot to mention that Deda brought me gifts from Chicago, a nice Chicago T-Shirt, a small jar to hold my “stash” already labeled “Chicago Stash”, a small zippered bag to use for what nots, and another T-Shirt that said “Rooting for the Commercials”.

Sunday Deda and I smoked part of one of the blunts included in my gift bag. Now I was never one to get stoned on a regular basis. I tried it a few times as a teen but the appeal never really held, I can count on one hand the number of times I smoked weed, the last time I was 16. As I took my first hit on the blunt, I proceeded to cough and hack, my eyes watered and snot ran out my nose. As Deda noted, she saw fluid pouring from every orifice of my head as I tried to recover from that first hit. Second toke went a little better, tasted like crap. Guess you cannot expect free weed to be good weed. That was basically what Deda said, my response, “if they want me to come back they should give me a sample of the good stuff, not the bad stuff!”

After we did our token toke, we came back inside and we were sitting on the sofa. Hubby came out of his office and wondered why the back door was open. Deda laughed and I swear she said “don’t answer that!” I told him what we did. I couldn’t tell if he was astonished or wanted to laugh and was holding it back. He did ask me if I felt any different. Not really, but I no longer cared that my feet were tingly from the neuropathy. So there was that. No munchies, no nap, just didn’t care that my feet were numb and tingly anymore.

The darling daughter came over and Hubby, Daughter and I headed up the street to the “other parents” house so we could see the new baby by their daughter. We only stayed a little bit as my feet were still having issues. I did get to hold the new baby and congratulated the grandparents and parents. They don’t get the same baby time we had with our grandson, as their daughter lives in Washington, so they have to travel there or daughter and son in law have to travel here. I made a jumper for the new boy, but he needs to grow into it. Darling daughter left shortly after that, as she started to not feel well and didn’t want to possibly infect me. Today both she and the Grandson are home with fevers. Flu has officially hit their house. I am worried about them, and I cannot go help them at all.

We watched the Super Bowl until it was time for Deda to head to the airport. Deda remembered the other me and opened up the package so I could pose with
myself.  The Middle Son was here by that time so we both posed with the other me. Nothing like posing with yourself to see the differences chemo has made. I can see why I don’t recognize myself when I first wake up in the morning and see my reflection in the mirror. I am puffy all over the place. I sure will be glad when chemo is over. I am really ready for it to be over. It’s like I’ve hit a wall on the chemo. I could continue until the end of my scheduled doses, and when they removed the Carboplatin, it was even easier for me to see completing all 12 infusions of phase 2. Now, I am really hoping we stop at 10. I am ready to be done and move on to the next phase of my treatment. Find out next week.

This morning was the first meeting with my new surgeon, Dr. Ali-Jones. She is adorable and provided us with more details as to what will happen when we do the surgery. She wants to target 3 to 4 weeks after the end of chemo, but we also have to coordinate with the plastic surgeon. She doesn’t want Dr. Goldberg to do surgery to make my right breast look normal and do the reduction on my left breast until a week to two weeks after we have confirmed clean margins on my oncology surgery. That makes much more sense to me than doing it all at one time as we do not know if clean margins have been obtained at the time of surgery. That doesn’t happen for 3 to 4 days after the tissue has been removed.

As for the oncology surgery, first I will go to the Breast Diagnostic Center and they will numb my breast and insert a wire into my breast that goes to the clip that was left behind when they did my biopsy. They will also inject a radioactive dye under my nipple for the sentinel node mapping. About 40 minutes after that I will be shuttled over to the hospital to start the surgery portion. Dr. Ali-Jones will remove an area around the clip that measures slightly larger than my tumor so they can try to insure clean margins obtained in one surgery. They do this as even though we can no longer see or feel my tumor, the cancer cells due one of two things during chemo, they collapse in on themselves and die or they break up into small clusters that are no longer palpable or visible. I think the second version is what happened with my aunt since she ended up with a complete mastectomy.

Dr. Ali-Jones has no problem with requesting my surgery be an overnight hospital stay so we can exercise the option on my insurance that kicks in only if overnight hospitalization happens. This will help me keep the costs down as it kicks in to cover the deductible for the surgery.

I should have an answer tomorrow what our target surgery date will be, they still have to coordinate with Dr. Goldberg for possible dates.

Tomorrow we only have to go to the lab for my weekly blood draw.

Life is waiting for the numbness and tingling to stop