First, some good news about mom, she received a little more information about her cancer; it is Estrogen and Progesterone receptor positive and HER-2 negative. This is some positive news as it provides additional therapy that can be used in her fight against her cancer and preventative measure to keep it from returning.
She still does not know how aggressive her cancer is, nothing has been provided to her on the grade or Ki-67 factor. I am almost positive they will do a lumpectomy first and run an Onco test to see if she needs chemo or if radiation will suffice.
One of the things I have not discussed in detail is the damage that is done to your nails from chemo. I have briefly mentioned the splinter hemorrhages I have under some of my nails, and some of my nails have lifted from the nail beds, some more than others. My big toes may lose their nails as those are the nails that have lifted the most. This is one of the side effects of chemo that is not discussed much.
As you can see in the pictures my big toenails are barely still attached to my nail bed. In the pictures of my thumb and index finger you can see what the splinter hemorrhages look like, and on my index finger you can see where my nail is slowly lifting from the bed. It creeps down a little more every day. I purposely did not file my nail down today to show how much it has lifted since yesterday morning.
I am not sure when this effect from the chemo will stop, but this has continued to damage my nails since my last chemo infusion on February 7th – 6 weeks ago. All of this damage has been after the end of chemo. It started two weeks after the end of chemo. The effects of chemo continue for long after chemo has ended.
The pictures are not very good, as the nail on my index finger on the left side it down about a third of my nail bed. I keep my nails as short as I can to try and prevent ripping and tearing.
On a good note, my armpit looks much better now that I have new tape over the incision and I have been able to clean off all the excess bloody glue.
You cannot tell from this picture how much swelling is still happening from the removal of the four lymph nodes. The surgeon told me this incision would bother me more than the one under my breast, but I still find the breast incision to be the most painful.
The incision where they removed my port is starting to itch, so that is a good sign that the incision is healing. I wish the skin that was torn by the Tegaderm bandage would heal. Again the picture does not give it justice, but not only do I have the torn skin from the original bandage, but where I applied the second bandage the skin is still irritated, still a little red. Dr. Ali-Jones said it would heal soon. I sure hope so.
I think I am ready for tomorrow, for yet another invasion of my body to make it look more normal again in my battle with cancer. Make my right breast look more like it used to only smaller, and to make my left breast match the right again. I will have pain, I will have scars, but I will not have to face disfigurement that would be a constant reminder of my losses in this fight.
Even swollen, I can see how my right breast would look if I was not having “reconstructive” surgery tomorrow to rearrange the tissue to make it look more like my breast used to look. It would sag more than my left breast, and my skin is too big for the tissue that remains. As the swelling reduces, my breast be oddly shaped compared to the left breast, it would have an indentation at the bottom. It would be several inches smaller than my remaining breast.
I must admit, going through another surgery a week after the last one is a bit daunting. I am beyond relieved that my plastic surgeon has requested an overnight stay for this surgery. I am relieved that I will be under a nurse’s care the first 24 hours and will have access to intravenous drugs. Pain from the surgery is shit! I am not looking forward to the next week or so. The pain from this last surgery has not been pleasant, and I can only begin to imagine how this next surgery with both breasts involved is going to feel next week. I already have my first follow up appointment with Dr. Goldberg, Monday at 8:45 AM. Mom will be here in the afternoon, so I guess this is good timing. I was highly surprised that she wants me in her office three days after the surgery.
Another good note, looks like my eyebrows are growing back too! You can see the slightly dark shading from where the hairs are starting to come in a little dark. Nothing really on the ends of the eyebrows yet, but it’s a start! I really missed them. Now if I could only get my own face back. I am tired of waking up to see my brothers face in the mirror…. Ok, little brother, time to trade faces again! I wish it was that easy. Another one of those chemo side effects that can take many, many months to go away… It has been a long haul and it’s been difficult. I am tired, but will keep going. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel.
Life is keeping up my positive energy