First the changes; because of how much anesthesia it takes to keep me under my plastic surgeon has changed my surgery to overnight instead of outpatient. This was confirmed today with not only a call from the hospital but a call from the plastic surgeon’s office as well. The time of my surgery has also been changed from 9 am to 7:30 AM. We have to be at the hospital at 5:30 am. I am relieved about the overnight stay, but not so happy about the time we have to be there.
Hubby ran errands today and picked up the signed Percocet prescription from Dr. Goldberg’s office, and got it filled so we have the drugs ready for me when I come home from the hospital this weekend.
Thanks to the wipes that dissolve the run off surgical glue I no longer have all that excess bloody glue stuck to my arm or my side. It’s nice to have that all cleaned off.
Now the news…
My mother was just diagnosed with breast cancer. She wasn’t going to tell me at first. She didn’t want me worrying about her while I went through my surgeries. She had her annual mammogram and they found a spot they didn’t like. She went back for secondary screening. From there she was scheduled for a biopsy. Her biopsy happened the day before my lumpectomy. She has only received preliminary results, it is carcinoma. She spoke with her doctor’s office today and they have not yet received the complete pathology report yet.
She has a 2 CM mass, and she is scared. We had a frank conversation about chemo today. As much as I have written here about my journey, there are still issues with chemo that have not made it to these pages. Things you have to do to prepare, things you cannot do while on chemo; like eat sushi, eat raw fruits and vegetables from a restaurant, or not prepared by your own hand; no manicures or pedicures; no letting your silverware hit the table at a restaurant, must always stay on your plate or a napkin. No dental work during chemo; they want you to maintain your weight – no losing or gaining. For my mom who just started Weight Watchers this was a big blow. She didn’t like hearing any of this, and I don’t blame her.
She is anxious, as am I, to know her complete pathology report. They have scheduled her with a surgeon in a few weeks. She is flying out to California at the end of the week to start a couple weeks visit to family and friends and to celebrate the family Passover Seder. She will be stopping here to see me next Monday.
She is angry. When my journey started months ago, when I told my family I was going in for a biopsy on a lump I had found, she prayed that God take any cancer that may be in my body and give it to her. She says God got it all wrong. I was not supposed to be going through all that I have, and it was her that should have. Now she has cancer and I still had to make this journey.
She was afraid to tell her family. I am not sure why she would be afraid. I told her that the love and support would only help her. I know when I received my diagnosis, I received all the information at the same time. The only thing we didn’t know was my HER-2 factor and if my lymph nodes were involved. An MRI was done the same day and the results from the MRI and the HER-2 factor were both in the very next day. I had so much to absorb and deal with and I was being fast tracked on my journey as my lump was so much larger and I guess much more urgent to deal with than my mother’s. I understand needing time to absorb everything that will now be happening to you. It’s like your body it not your own anymore. I understand taking time to deal with your own emotional state and getting to a place where you can even talk. I asked my family for three days before they called, before they wrote. I needed the time to come to grips with my new reality.
Based on all I have learned through reading, searching the web, and my support group, the fact that mom has been scheduled with a surgeon first seems to me she may be able to have a lumpectomy and just radiation. I hope that is all she will have to go through. They will do a full pathology on her lump and determine from there if chemo is required. Its small still 2 cm, I have hope that she will not have to go through everything I have gone through. Not that I don’t think she could handle it, it’s more that I don’t want her to have to do all of this, go through everything I have gone through. I know my brother and sister-in-law would be there with her, helping her every step of the way. I just want her journey to be a little easier than mine has been. I want her to see the light at the end of her tunnel much sooner than I am seeing the light at the end of mine.
Life is filled with curveballs
Honey, I’m afraid that what you or I want and what will be might not line up exactly. I don’t look forward to the vomiting and the shit all over the place, especially since there won’t be anyone here to help me clean it all up in the middle of the night. That is another thing I’m mad about. Darn John, escaped all this by dying first! Not sure to be mad at him or at God for one more thing. I hope I won’t have to have the chemo but I also want to do everything to ensure I kill the awful thing that wants to eat at me and devour my insides. Knowing all the things I learned from you tonight about restrictions during chemotherapy (things that we never learned when John went through chemo) I’m so saddened that my efforts to lose weight are going to be sidelined, my beautiful fingernails and toenails are going to turn to shit and my body will be BALD! Good thing I have an appointment next week for my eyebrows to be retattooed. How did I know I needed to do that? Will this mean that the damn hairs that I have to pluck and shave from off my face will go away too? Now that’s something to be grateful for. Sure would be nice if they didn’t come back. My luck, they will return in spades while the hair I want won’t show up again ever. Guess I’ll try for a chemoless (is that even a word?) treatment plan. I wonder how that will go over with my medical team. I don’t want to go through this anymore than you want me to. I didn’t want you to go through this either. As I said, what we want and what will be likely won’t line up at all. Such is life. Gotta take what you get and deal with it, right? Right! LYTTMAB.
Ladies! I just read your update. Sorry to hear of your challenges! What a journey! I wish I could say something witty or profound. When Mom was going through what you two “have on your plate” her favorite saying was, “Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming, “Wow what a ride!” ― Hunter S. Thompson
Another that I like is one that the wife of one of our church presidents once said: Marjorie Hinkley, “The only way to get through life is to laugh your way through it. You either have to laugh or cry. I prefer to laugh, crying gives me a headache.” So Kim and Jan, find things to laugh about and continue to live life as full as you can! I love you two and pray for you and your successes! Be strong!!
Thank you my friend for reminding me of one of my most favorite quotes. Knowing I have friends and family who love me like this, enough to remind me at the most perfect times why I have been so blessed, that I will get through this, I will find my center again, I will be better, stronger, scars and all, I will still be me. Love you much, miss you too. Hugs all around.