Yesterday after I posted, I started feeling little “zings” in my right breast. This is a good thing. I assumed that this was signs that nerves are healing. These little zings continued to increase in intensity until I was jumping and letting out little yelps each time it happened. I was thinking, “Great, boob drainage and having to go though having my boob “packed” with gauze packing tape every day and NOW my nerves are deciding to grow back?” Decided I needed to place a call to my cousin to make sure the zings I was feeling really were normal just to ease my mind, and I wanted to tell her about the “packing tape”.
I never saw the jar the packing strip came in, and Dr. Goldberg called it packing tape when she was talking to us and to her nurse. Even when we ordered it at the medical supply store, Hubby took care of the details while I sat in a chair waiting for the transaction to be completed. I didn’t know until after the very funny conversation with my cousin that the product is really called packing strip.
I called my cousin; we talked about the zings, and how much fun they are. As I suspected and knew, it is my nerves regenerating. Deda did say they do happen at night too. Great, I can just see me now, startled awake by this giant zing in my right boob, arms flying, bam, hit Hubby upside the head or something. I swear, I didn’t mean to hit him, he’s not a battered husband, it was a boob zing, really it was!!! Hubby would say it was payback for having to put packing tape in my boob…. OMG! My brain was going down all these funny paths.
So then Deda keeps insisting I need to send her pictures of the packing tape in my boob. Ok, I will, not right now. Told her about having to “stuff my bra with the Poise pad” to absorb the fluid leaking from my boob, and having to order the packing tape from the medical supply store. She asked “Why? Can’t you pick this up at Staples or something? Or does it have to be some sort of medical grade sterile packing tape?” That threw me for just a second and that was when I remembered she really is blonde. She is super smart, but there are moments. I started laughing, and laughed so hard I could barely talk, tears were streaming. I had to tell her no, it’s like 1/4″ wide cotton gauze strip that gets shoved into my boob to keep the hole open so my boob can continue to drain. Oh, we laughed so hard. She finally said she was imagining 2 1/2″ wide clear plastic tape – packing tape. Hubby came out of his office wondering why I was laughing so hard. 
I explained to him, he looks at me at says, I have a sample of the tape, and I have a picture of the jar!
I took a picture of his sample of the tape, and sent both pictures to Deda, while we were both still laughing, she sent me back a picture that more represented what she was thinking was being applied to my right leaking boob…
Oh, the tears that leaked from my eyes because we laughed so hard. And again, it was not until I saw the picture that Hubby sent me that I realized this stuff is really called packing strip, not tape. Deda tried to get me to stop laughing, but just was not happening.
I had also been having an email conversation with my Mom, but finally had to call her as I didn’t even know how I was going to write this down to tell her what had just transpired between Deda and I. We laughed as well; a lot; hysterically, tears and everything. It felt so good to laugh like that again. Deda may not have “blonde” moments very often, but when she does… Packing tape….. Bwaaahahahahahahahaha!!!!
I was also freaking out over what to wear to the “Son from another mother” wedding at the end of the month. I still have neuropathy, so shoes can be an issue, and I still have a hard time thinking out side of the box, so finding something to wear that will not look stupid over my armor bras, but still be fancy enough for an evening spring wedding was freaking me out. Everything I was finding was strapless, or halter style tops, holes in the shoulders… Or I was thinking it was not appropriate for the mother of the best friend to wear to the wedding. Yea, chemo brain. Between my mom and Deda, I think I have a plan on how to find something to wear, despite chemo brain. Mom did make a joke about getting my hair done for the wedding; I’m thinking an up-do!
I don’t think my hair will actually be long enough to even try to spike with gel by the end of the month. So soft baby fuzz hair will just have to work. I am sure it will. But that did lead me to think about my nails… they still look like crap. I don’t think I can do anything to make them look any better before the wedding. I cannot put on acrylic over my nails until they are all grown back in without any lifting off the nail beds. Not even close to that yet. They don’t want acrylic to hide any issues with infection or fungus until the nails are completely “healed” from the chemo.
Today was my follow up with my Oncologist – Dr. Sikaria. First she was very excited about my pathology report. She said this was so exciting, complete pathological response! She stated this bodes very well for my long term outlook, and this reduces my chance for recurrence! Which led me to my question of do I still need to do Radiation Therapy? Yes, I still have to go through that. I go back to her in September after all my radiation is done and I’m healing up. I will need to do blood work and have an MRI before my next visit. She said everything looks good, she even checked out my boob job. She said it looks good! So everyone that has seen the healing boobs says they look good. I’m still not completely sold on them yet, but I’m feeling much better about them. And I can have a fat graft after radiation to make it all better.
Dr. Sikaria said it’s all cosmetic. And Hubby chimes in with “we can rebuild them.” I thought about that statement, it’s all cosmetic. But it’s not really is it… It’s my boobs we’re talking about, they were mine at least, and I knew them intimately. And now they have been taken away from me, at least the breasts I knew have been taken away. What I have now are new, they are shaped differently than my old boobs, and I know that because of surgery they are numb and eventually I will have feeling back in them, but right now I cannot even feel them other than the underlying aches and pains from the surgery. Yes, physically they are my breasts, but they are more than just cosmetic. They were a part of me, and now that part of me has been drastically changed and not because I wanted them changed, but because I was compelled to change them because one wanted to kill me. So yes, to everyone else my complaints are cosmetic, but to me, it’s more than that, it’s my body, and my body has been physically assaulted and changed and now I have to get used to those changes and learn my new boobs.
Dr. Sikaria set up the referral to the Radiation Oncologist, and put a note in my medical file to have my disability extended through radiation. Then she sent us on our way to scheduling. While we were waiting for scheduling I met with Kim the Patient Advocate to have her go over the forms for my disability and she input the extension to EDD right then and there electronically. I gave her a hug because this removed such a weight from my shoulders.
Scheduling set us up with my next follow up on September 13th, and I start the process for Radiation Therapy by meeting with a Radiation Oncologist – Dr. Endicott on Monday 4/23. Radiation Therapy and my new oncologist are all located at Torrance Memorial Hospital. Starting Radiation Therapy is a process, and it will be weeks yet before I actually start the radiation part. First meet the oncologist, then there will be a follow up appointment or two, some molds to be made to hold me in place, then I can start the therapy. Once I know more, I will share.
Once we left Cancer Care we headed over to the Medical Supply Store to pick up the packing tape so we could change my dressing. I did call Dr. Goldberg’s office this morning as we never thought to ask how often we needed to change the packing strip in my boob, or if I could shower with this. Spoke with Caroline and she said she was going to call me to let me know Dr. Goldberg left an order for a home health nurse to start coming tomorrow to take care of the packing tape twice a day. Still waiting to hear back from Caroline about the showering…
My Little Brother called me this afternoon and we talked for over an hour and a half, getting caught up. It was nice to have such a long conversation with him. We talked about everything. Can hardly wait to see him again. He said he can see the puffiness starting to go away in my face from the last picture I posted. Now if it would only start to go away in my fingers too so I could actually get my wedding rings back on it would be great. I know, I keep wanting more and more stuff right now. No patience!
Hubby and the Middle Son headed out for some Father/Son bonding at the auto museum, so I’ve had the house to myself this afternoon. What did I do with my free time, laundry. Middle Son did notice that my hair is coming in nicely and my cowlick is thriving near the crown of my head.
Hair is coming along just fine. Just need the darn puffiness to go away, the neuropathy to heal, my boobs to be mine again, and my nails to finish growing out so they are all healed. Oh, and my brain to work normally again. Not much I’m asking for…. …I want it all, and I want it now. (Freddie Mercury – Queen).
Life is slowly creeping back to normal
I have to admit, the packing tape story was not nearly as funny as last night on the phone. My stomach muscles still ache from all the laughter. The way your hair is growing in so quickly, you just might need it cut for the wedding. I’m getting mine colored and cut tomorrow as I cannot stand it one more day. I waited thinking that it would be stupid to spend the money if it was just going to fall out, but I guess that isn’t going to happen so it’s time. Trying a new place that was highly recommended.
So which little brother called you? Glad to know you hear from those guys from time to time. Also very happy that you feel like life is creeping back to normal little by little. At the rate you’re going, we might just be having radiation around the same time. Not exactly the mother-daughter activity I’d choose to do but I guess neither of us has a choice in the matter. It’s very late and I’m falling asleep over my iPad. Nitey nite. LYTTMAB!