I’ve been attending a weekly lecture series offered at the Cancer Support Community about Mindfulness. I assumed because I still have issues controlling my sympathetic nervous system when I am going through medical procedures that I needed more direction in mindfulness and meditation.
We can always use refreshers, reminders, a new perspective, a new insight as to what we can do to help ourselves. So far I have found that there has been no new insight or perspective, just reminders that what I do, and have been doing is helping me in the long run. It has reminded me that paying attention to my breathing and how different emotions make me feel is good. Paying attention to how my gut, my heart, my lungs, even my arms and legs feel is a good way to learn what bothers me emotionally. I can than take the time to explore those emotions, a little at a time and figure out the root of what irritates, hurts, scares, haunts me and with accepting, non-judgmental review, I can decide if I want to let whatever the issue is “bother” me in the future, and if I will allow it to bother me, for how long. I have four more weeks of this lecture series, and I am hoping I will find some other tools to help me with my physical reactions.
I work on meditation daily, and take time for mindfulness, which is part of meditation, but different. With meditation I usually focus on a specific area of my body or a one word affirmation and keep (or at least try) to keep my focus on what I have chosen to focus on. Or I’ll do a general review of my body and concentrate on the chakras and the colors that represent the chakras.
Mindfulness is allowing yourself to notice your body and the things around you at that moment. Notice how your butt feels sitting in the chair you’re in, or on the floor. Notice how your shoulders feel. Notice how you’re breathing, do you hold your breath? Are you breathing fast? Are you taking slow shallow or deep breaths? No judgment on how you are breathing, just notice it and move on. What noises do you hear around you? Do you hear birds? Do you hear traffic? The wind? The refrigerator? Practice mindfulness when having a conversation, really listen to the person you are talking with, without thinking about how you want to respond. This one is hard…. Practice it when you eat, really notice the flavor of the bite of food, how it feels when you chew it, the heat or coolness of what you are eating. How your mouth feels, what it feels like when you swallow.
I try to take time everyday to both. And yet, I still have a drop in BP when my body perceives a threat I cannot physically feel. I break out in a sweat, I feel cold and clammy, especially on the back of my neck, my stomach goes queasy, and I feel faint. I have to get my head down, my feet up. After the initial wanting to throw up and faint phase, my BP skyrockets. It intensifies the nausea, makes my body feel uncomfortable. I feel like I need to run, run away and fast. But I still feel like I am going to throw up and pass out! I no longer do this when I have a blood draw, or an IV started. But I did this when I had the biopsy done on Blink. I did this when they had to insert the guide wire for the lumpectomy. It happened when the plastic surgeon poked open the hole in my right breast to drain the seroma. It happened when she supposedly numbed up my breast to cut the hole bigger a couple weeks ago, and then cut the healed tissue inside to jump start the healing process again. It has happened once when I stubbed my big toe and it made a really loud cracking noise. My toe was fine, the rest of me not so much.
So in the meantime I will continue with my meditation and mindfulness, and I will continue going to the lecture series, and I will pray that one day I will be able to gain control of my sympathetic nervous system.
This morning when Hubby was getting ready to re-stuff the boob, he said the cavity was a rip in the space-time continuum and we should be on the lookout for pterodactyls. He makes me laugh! When I texted the kids, the Middle Son texted back that if he had Photoshop skills he’d take the picture of the hole in my boob, add a TARDIS flying out of it chasing a pterodactyl. Part of me says I should have this as a tattoo on the bottom of my breast! Maybe I can make a temp tattoo with this and have it there for the next appointment with Dr. Goldberg on Monday. Now that would be funny! I don’t think she would get the humor…
Life is remembering to breathe
Ahhhhhhhhh! I love your sense of humor.