As I previously alluded too, we (Hubby and I), decided I am ready to start driving, but first we planned a short drive with little traffic. It was Tuesday night after support group, I drove us home. I felt like I was 16 years old again and getting ready for my driving test to get my license. I thought if I had any issues it would be with my feet. I worried I would not be able to feel the difference between the gas and brake pedal. Turns out it wasn’t my feet that I had issues with, it was my fingers. Not so much a problem, but I definitely felt my fingers start to act up. Told Hubby I can’t be doing any long drives yet, but local driving I can handle.
Wednesday we did a bit of grocery shopping to tide us over for the remainder of the week and I got myself ready for my mother’s day gift from the darling daughter – Paint Night. It was to be held at El Torito in Redondo Beach on the pier. For the first time in many months, I wanted to actually try putting on some makeup. I got myself ready and the Darling Daughter picked me up and we headed to the Pier for the chance to be coached through painting a lovely beach and flower scene. We arrived at El Torito only to be told that Paint Night had been cancelled. The Darling Daughter was ticked, she had no notification. Instead we sat at the bar, ordered drinks, an appetizer and we talked, laughed, and I shared with her the technical name of the issue we both suffer from – Vasovagal Reflex. She asked me to repeat that, so I pulled it up in Google on my phone. She took one look at it typed out and laughed and stated it looked like a dirty word. Between our laughter I decided yes, Vasovagal Reflex, also known as Vasovagal Syncooy, is a dirty word, or more like a dirty trick our body plays on us.
It is the bodies over reaction to certain triggers. For some it is the sight of blood, or an emotional response. Stress can trigger it as well. What happens physically is a sudden drop of blood pressure and lowered heart rate. The part of the nervous system that regulates your heart rate and blood pressure malfunctions in response to whatever it is that triggers you and your heart rate slows, and the blood vessels in your lower extremities (legs) dilate. This allows the blood to pool in your legs, which in turn lowers your blood pressure. This along with the slowed heart rate reduces blood flow to the brain, and voilà, you faint. Or if you are like me, you have learned the symptoms and know how to stop the process so you don’t faint. Symptoms include, lightheadedness, tunnel vision, and nausea, feeling warm along with a cold, clammy sweat, yawning and blurred vision. All my typical symptoms. I start with the flush of heat, with nausea, quickly followed by the cold, clammy sweat on my neck and face, and the lightheadedness, blurred and tunnel vision are next, and the yawning usually shows up once I am working on remedy – getting my feet above my heart, or the very least, my head down between my knees. If I don’t get my head down or my feet up, or both quickly, I will pass out.
I used to have this reaction to blood draws and IV starts, but I have learned how to control my breathing and brain during these medical procedures. Now it just happens when I have to go through a biopsy, or the guide wire placement for the lumpectomy. I tried using my normal techniques to get me through this, visualization and breathing, but so far I am batting zero. Someday I’ll figure out how to control this stupid human trick my body knows oh so well.
I did learn that there are those like me that don’t have the classic triggers, but more subtle triggers like the body feeling like it’s going to experience pain, but doesn’t. Or a noise that sounds like it’s going to hurt.
We commiserated about our shared issue with Vasovagal Reflex and had a 
great night. At one point I had to excuse myself to the restroom and when I returned most of our shared appetizer was gone and the Darling Daughter told me to polish it off… Now it was my turn to say that is a dirty word!
Polish it off… wow!
One of the things we talked about is my cancer. I admitted that there are times right now when I am afraid. There are basically 5 types of breast cancer, and on a scale of 1 to 5 with 1 being the least deadly and 5 being the most, (in the simplest terms I could explain) I had number 4. How every once in a while, as I wait for my boob to heal, I worry that I am allowing that one rogue cancel cell to escape, to hide in my blood or bone marrow, giving it a better chance at taking a bat at me in the future. I also told her that if I can get past 2 1/2 years without a new lesion , my chances of recurrence diminish, and if I can get past 5 years without recurrence, my chances diminish again. Also told her, so I could remind myself again, that my complete response to chemo reduced my chances for recurrence, and radiation will reduce it even more. Not down to the same single digit percentages my mom has of recurrence, but I can get my chances of recurrence down lower. Still double digits, but lower. Keeping those thoughts in front of the other ones that try to remind me this is bad.
We had a great night talking, despite the frank talk about my cancer, and decided we would try again. The Darling Daughter presented me with new options today. Next up “Galaxy in the Pines” on a Saturday night in June. Hopefully this one will not get cancelled.
The Mindfulness lecture was cancelled for today, so instead I booked myself an appointment to get my legs waxed. One thing I did notice since my hair (all my hair) started growing back was the fuzz on my face was the first to show up. And it came back like it was compensating for the months of having no body hair. Since then, I have “trimmed” that fuzz twice and now it has pretty much slowed in growth and I have not had to trim it back again. I am knocking on wood right now so I don’t curse myself. Women don’t like having really fuzzy faces… The hair on my legs was getting a little ugly. I had one razor left from before this whole cancer thing, and I used it, but that hair came back with a vengeance. I made the decision to wax it all off in hopes this would at least thin it out a bit when it grows back. So today I have smooth legs. Now if only my nails would cooperate and grow in normally.
Life is working on my new normal
I think you and Heather probably had a better time just drinking and talking than if you were trying to copy a painting. Trust me, I’ve done the painting thing. It was waaaay out of my comfort zone and I’d much rather have been sipping wine and chatting. An evening outing with your daughter is great no matter what! So happy you got to do that.
The hair thing is really a bad joke that Mother Nature plays on us women. These days I have little or no hair where it’s supposed to be and lots growing where I don’t want it at all!
Oh the joys of aging…
LYTTMAB,