Today I had my Advanced Health Care Directive notarized. Christie, who I know through work, was gracious enough to meet me in Gardena at a little Italian Eatery with GREAT coffee; down the street from the Walgreen’s that has a drug take back kiosk. I found Eatalian on Google Maps when we were messaging back and forth on where and when to meet up so she could provide the notary service I needed. I read the reviews and decided this would be a perfect place to meet. Christie arrived with her adorable younger son. I gladly offered him my phone to play games or watch videos as we chatted. I have a grandson; I understand this is BORING for little men.
We kibbitzed for about an hour before we finished up the business at hand. Her little man was growing bored with the games and started to fiddle with the fingerprint ink pad, placing his fingerprints on the napkin. I tasked him with placing a fingerprint on the napkin, then using a pen I provided to draw a picture that included the fingerprint. He handed me the completed picture of stars shooting out of his fingerprint surrounding three hearts. 
What a love filled picture to give to me. Children awe me in their capacity to spread love and joy.
Christie also relayed to me that not only has she been reading my blog, but her sisters as well. It has provided them with information and insight into breast cancer. Information they have not had even though two of their aunts have dealt with breast cancer, but the subject had not been discussed. She told me I have provided a great service to her. I am glad this has been helpful to someone. This started out as a way to communicate to the many who were asking for me to keep them up to date on my progress, but I had started to hope somewhere along the line that someone would find this helpful.
I knew about breast cancer, but I didn’t know all I know now, before my own diagnosis. I knew to do self exams, but didn’t know there were different kinds of breast cancer, with different therapy approaches to the each kind. I didn’t know that each type of cancer has its own statistics. Statistics are great for a general population, but not so great when trying to apply to an individual. They do help you make decisions about your treatment plans, but the statistics don’t tell you which side of the statistical scale you will be on. You can only make your choices based on giving yourself that best chance to be on the winning side of the scale.
I cleaned out another section of my closet today. Three more paper bags of clothing I no longer wear to Goodwill on my next trip out and about. Threw away some things that had accumulated in that closet that just didn’t need to be kept. I had noted at last week’s lecture, that I was cleaning out my spaces of clutter, slowly, not overwhelming myself, and found that I had relocated more items on my first try at clearing a space than I had thrown away or designated for donation. The facilitator told us that it was OK to relocate items to more appropriate spaces. That is part of the process. Although, since that first two days of space clearing, I have removed more items overall. Like the chemo drugs when I cleaned out the hall closet – mostly anti-nausea and steroids taken to help my body deal with the killer onslaught of chemicals trickled into it over the months of that phase of treatment. I dropped all those drugs off at the drug take back kiosk today. I felt good, lighter, to have all of them gone.
I also asked the pharmacist there about where to dispose of hypodermic needles. I have some that will not be used and don’t know where to dispose of them. The pharmacist was kind enough to let me know that the Fire Department takes back unused needles. Since needles are not a drug, and I know some people that use them for their own medications (diabetics, etc.), I did reach out to some of those people first to see if they could use them, but none of them needed the size I have that I no longer need.
Robert has been watching World Cup Futbal, which is something he has not done before. He has been up early to watch the morning games, napping or working before the airing of the next game, then back to watch the second game aired, working up to the semi and quarter finals. It is funny to hear him yelling at the TV for a “ball” based game, as this is not something he has ever consistently watched, unless I was watching. The only exception to this has been tennis, and even that he does not watch consistently. I have always been the one who gets drawn into baseball, football or basketball. I wonder if he will start watching league teams now that he has been so enthralled with World Cup.
As I was cleaning out my closet section today, he was yelling at Croatia every time they missed a goal or failed to adequately block a Russian pass or kick. The game ended on a shootout – penalty kick competition, and he was completely stressed out that it went down to the final kick for Croatia. He turned to me and said, “This is stressful!” It never fails to tickle me when he gets caught up in watching a sporting event. He becomes so involved and invested.
I pulled my Affirminator card today, along with a The Universe Has your Back card. Both cards helped me feel like I have this whole “fixing my life” thing, moving from cancer victim to cancer survivor, in the bag. 
These cards, along with the lecture series are helping me find my new normal, helping me come to terms with the new boobs (and make a rational decision next year as to whether I want to try and fix them or not), helping me reach my fitness and weight goals. Helping me transition from my current life of cancer fighting to survivor. I did get the release to immerse in water starting in two weeks. Not this coming week, but next week I can start swimming. Which is good, as even though I was able to complete that hike into the canyon on Wednesday, I paid a price for it, my feet hurt, had the walking on rocks feeling through last night. I am still getting the occasional sensation of stepping on a rock even as I sit here and type, but it’s not as bad as it was yesterday after asking my feet to do so much walking over two days.
I continue to log my foods into the Noom app, and seeing my eating habits, I am starting to notice I am making better choices just by being accountable for logging my food. Small steps, moving towards my goal of being better physically, and getting fit. Loading up my arsenal for success!
It has been camping on the sun hot! Our AC didn’t turn off once during the day yesterday and was not able to keep up with the barrage of heat. When we went to bed last night the thermostat read 91F degrees outside. The AC finally kicked off about 10:30 pm. So glad we have AC. One of my neuropathy symptoms are every time I sweat it is accompanied with a burning prickly feeling – like prickly heat. Basically it hurts to sweat, even a little. This is a bad trick to play on a woman dealing with chemo/menopause induced hot flashes! Gal in my support group said she is still getting hot flashes from the chemo even though she finished months ago. She said they are starting to slow down in frequency, duration and intensity. She already went through menopause years ago, so having hot flashes start up again was not something she anticipated nor has she relished as a side effect from chemo! And she thinks this is a mean trick to play on a post-menopausal woman; to bring back hot flashes and then keep having them months after chemo ends. She is not happy about this at all!
Next week I will start researching gyms and the Y to see what is most economical and best value for swimming as well as offering other benefits for me.
Life is clearing the clutter
Letting go. The hardest lesson I ever had to learn. Still struggling with that, but getting better at it with each challenge. Good for you, letting go of all those clothes that are cluttering up your closet. It’s a good metaphor for all that you are letting go of as you move to survivorhood.
Acceptance. Often confused with tolerance. I have noticed the changes in your writing that show me what you are merely tolerating along with what you have accepted as your new normal. The lectures and group have added new wisdom to your storehouse of knowledge and experience.
What a horrible way to learn these life lessons, this cancer ordeal. But how gratifying to be learning from the experience. Now you become the teacher and I the student as I trudge this painful and frightening path you have already walked. How I wish none of these lessons had to be learned by going in this particular direction; but some things are not in our control. It’s what we do with what life throws at us that makes the difference.
How long do the zingers last? I feel like my boobs are ripping apart. Makes me think I should have stuck with a lumpectomy and those old pendulous things getting in my way. I pray we are both happy with our decisions when the ordeal is over.
LYTTMAB!