I am fighting the fatigue more and more now. I have been exercising every day, not always swimming at the gym; sometimes I do housework or walking. Yesterday I added some weight lifting on the machines for 30 minutes before I went to swim for 30 minutes. Despite the fatigue, sleeping at night is becoming harder and harder due to discomfort. I am now taking Advil four times a day trying to stay on top of the pain and discomfort caused by the radiation.
I am getting a little pinker by the day, but the pain also seems to increase with each passing day. Fatigue and pain are not great bedmates. Two and half more weeks and then I get to start recovery from this last assault on my breast. I have been told that recovery should take 3 to 4 weeks to start feeling close to normal. That takes me past my first check up with my oncologist. I need to call the Breast Diagnostic Center and schedule my next imaging so it happens the week before my check up on September 13th. Thinking about this unfurls the anxiety dragon, the yellow and brown dragon that likes to do loops in my gut, the one that likes to wrap it’s wings around my lungs and heart, squeeze them tight so I feel like I can’t breathe and my heart thuds heavily in my chest. I have been told many times that I have extremely dense breasts, even by my breast surgeon. I have mixed feelings about what type of imaging should be done for my 6-month check up. I am sure there is nothing, but I also do not want to miss anything. Can I request an MRI or an Ultrasound on my own instead of the regular mammogram?
I did update my will, now I need to get it witnessed by two people. I also filled out a Health Care POA to accompany my Advanced Health Care Directive so there are no questions there. I designated Heather as my online Legacy manager. I will need to get her information on all my online profiles (Facebook, Instagram, Twitter and LinkedIn, along with this blog.). I’ve told her she is authorized to post on my behalf should I become too sick to do so, and should I die before I close down my online presence she can keep my profiles open for one year of mourning and then they are to be shut down. I also researched places that will do a “green” burial. San Luis Cemetery in San Luis Obispo provides green burials and their prices are reasonable. There is still the location in Marine County, but the now open options in San Luis call to me. I am thinking Robert and I need to take a trip up there so I can buy my plot and prepay fees, get that all lined up. In the meantime, this is already outlined in my will.
I will work on a list of music to play at my life celebration. I stated specifically that my memorial is to be a celebration, with music, dancing, eating and drinking. All bubblies are to be served, fuzzy water, sparkling ciders and sparkling wines, and whiskey for those who want to try that too. It is to be a celebration, there is to be laughter, love and joy. It is to be a reminder to embrace life here and now. Memories can be recounted, all the funny things I have done, all the fun we have had, the mistakes, mishaps and the laughter afterwards. Like pouring my Dr. Pepper down the front of me when I went to pour some rasinettes from the box held in the same hand into my mouth. Or, the time I dropped the salad on the floor but served it at dinner anyway. The time I won the “Jew Jitsui” shirt from Deda at Hanukkah; the time I fell on the 125cc dirt bike on the little track we found up at Gorman when we all went riding one time. Or there is the time when I was in love with a pair of patent leather heals. I tend to walk with my feet very close together, and well, patent leather sticks. One day at work, right in front of Robert, I stood up from my cubicle to head to the ladies room, took one step out of my cubicle and my shoes stuck together. Down I went, flat on my face, laughing all the way. I am sure there are many more stories and memories to be shared in the future. This is what I want. Yes, those I leave behind can mourn, but I want my life celebration is to be a party, a celebration. Life is to be celebrated!
I am feeling better about getting all this in place as I take each step. I am hoping that none of this is needed for a long, long time. But right now I feel like it is better to be safe than sorry.
Tuesday I forgot my tattoo. I was so bummed when I realized I forgot it. I put on two yesterday to make up for missing it, but Art and Dr. Endicott missed the tattoo. Dr. Endicott looked at my very pink breast and said, “Yes, this is exactly what we expect the breast to look like at this point in treatment. Very good, very good.” I almost wanted to preen with all that praise I was receiving for turning deep pink. She also commented on my growing patch of folliculitis – those tiny little fluid filled bumps that started out as one and now spread across the top left corner of my breast. She said that is normal as well and will probably be the first thing to clear once radiation stops.
Hot flashes still are a plague to my existence, but they are slowly, ever so slowly, happening at a lower frequency and the intensity of them has diminished. The small wins… I have been taking homeopathy remedies for the hot flashes – Boiron Acteane tablets and Lacesis Mutus 6C pellets. I think these are helping.
I am taking myself back to the pier again for another free concert tonight. This time I’ll take a chair with me, but I do want to shimmy just a little bit, and walk. I still need my exercise today as I slept in so no gym. I had work that needed to be done, and appointments to schedule.
I am noticing more and more about the Radiation Oncology set up now that I go there every day. The hallway doesn’t seem as long now. The walls in the patient changing/waiting room are purple.
There are cautions signs in abundance. There are two treatment rooms, but I have always been in the treatment room to the left. I was able to get a good picture of the teeth this week though!
When I have my 6-month check up with Dr. Sikaria it will be about the time I will start looking for my release to go back to work. I have already scoped out where the local LA Fitness is by the office, and where there is one on the way home. Now I just need to work on being able to get up early enough to get to work. Thank you fatigue for helping me with that… 
Life is learning how to sleep normally