I realized this morning that I forgot to add the photos from Monday thru Wednesday in yesterday’s post… Oops!
Last night the pain broke through the Tylenol. Not only does my rib ache now, but also the area from my armpit to the breastbone across the top 2.5 inches of my radiated area is just achingly sore. My sleep shirt just touching this area caused me major discomfort. I think that today the pink can be classified as red.
When Art went to adjust me today, I gasped. He did not touch any area of my breast that hurts, but just the movement caused me sharper pain. He and the other tech (I cannot believe I have already forgotten her name), started questioning me about the pain: “Is it sharp? Is it shooting pain? Does it burn? Is this keeping you awake?”
Sharp, yes, shooting no, burn no, ACHES like there is no tomorrow and the Tylenol is no longer cutting it. I even took some late today to be prepared for any jiggles with today’s adjustments. That did not work. Yes, this is keeping me awake again. The other tech noted that today is number 24 of 25 full breast radiation. She asked if I was done after this, or did I have five days of boost? I have 5 days of boost starting next week. Art said she would go talk to the doctor while I slept and he started my treatment. He also forgot his glasses on the desk and had a hard time reading today’s tattoo:
I did fall asleep today during treatment. First time ever! I am that tired. I slept in very late this morning too. Just sitting here typing this I could fall asleep. I was woken by Art announcing I could relax my arms and cover up over the speaker. He also said he would be taking me to see Dr. Endicott.
Barbara was the one to come in and lower the table so I could get down. Art was waiting for me as I exited the treatment room and took me to an exam room. Dr. Endicott was right on his heels. She wanted to see the boob right away, and upon seeing the difference from Tuesday when she last examined me, she asked if I was peeling. No peeling, but I have noticed I go through a slough off every week starting on Thursdays and that usually ends on Sunday. When I apply my cream, I notice within a few minutes lots of bits of skin in little balls starting to form on my skin. I can usually wipe it away gently with a washcloth. The next time I apply cream the same thing happens. So technically, I guess you could say this is peeling, but I do not ever really see my skin peeling, it rubs off with the cream application. It does not matter which cream I apply either, could be the Miaderm, Miaderm-L or the Aquaphor.
She acknowledged this, asked me to show her where the worst of the pain is, we talked about how Tylenol is no longer working either. She said it is very red now and said I should take a one-day break, meaning a three-day weekend. No treatment tomorrow. Monday I still keep my set up appointment for the boost, but instead of getting the boost treatment which is more localized to the bottom half of my breast, I will get the last full breast treatment. Tuesday they will start the boost treatment and I will now end my treatment on Monday, August 27th. She also wanted a good look at today’s tattoo. She wants to do this for his mother’s birthday, her and her brothers get a decorative “Mom” tattoo to apply to their shoulder/upper arm. I think that is fantastic.
I was so close to finishing this without a break and proving Robert wrong that I could get this all done in the prescribed 6 weeks. Missed it by that much…
I have been thinking, why do we get so scared of our skin turning red from Radiation Therapy? It’s not permanent. For most people there really is no pain involved. It’s just red, and usually itchy. It looks horrible. It looks raw at times. It looks like it should burn and feel super hot to the touch. However, it is none of those. I am a little different, yes, I feel pain, but this is not the norm. So why are we so afraid of the red? Is it because we’ve grown up with Red is the color of danger? Red means STOP. Redness of our skin means something is wrong. Is this why we get so upset over Radiation Therapy because our skin turns red? Granted the skin being treated is never the same after the redness goes away. It will not feel the same, it will not look the same and it will not ever go back to what it was before. There will always be a visible and tactile difference from the other breast and the rest of the skin on your body. But why does the red scare us so much?
The other thing I’ve been thinking about more is my hair. I think I might try growing it out now. I still have no clue what I want to do with it; but last week one of the new girls said “Maybe if you grow it out you will then know what you want to do.” Kind of made sense there… I am at the point where I would normally shave it back again, but I think I’ll just let it keep going and see what happens. It is not as if I can’t shave it back if it really bothers me.
I finished more of my cooking after I got up this morning. Pita chips done as well as the Lemon Custard Cakes. Done just in time to head to today’s radiation therapy appointment. Now I just need to make the Ricotta Cheese. I want to eat first, then I will see how I am doing energy wise. I am very tired right now. Feel like I could sleep for a million years, if only the pain in my boob would go away. Six more treatments. I can do this! And after the next treatment on Monday, the armpit and top of my boob where a lot of the pain is right now will start to heal. Crossing my fingers, that pain goes away as fast as the red does.
Life is learning to embrace Red