I signed up for these daily self improvement, enlightenment and self realization essays from one of my favorite web sites – DailyOM. Two days ago as I started to read that days essay, within two sentences I had tears starting to form, by the end of the first paragraph, I was crying, I had found my tribe. Or at least one of them, and it only took fucking breast cancer to get there.
The title of the essay was “Finding your Tribe” by Madison Taylor. The first paragraph: “Part of being human is the search for an individual identity. Bound to this strong need to establish a unique persona, however, is an equally intense desire for acceptance. It is when we find our individual tribes that both are satisfied. Our tribe members are those people who accept us as we are without reservation and gladly accompany us on our journeys of evolution. Among them, we feel free to be our imperfect selves, to engage unabashedly in the activities we enjoy, and to express our vulnerabilities by relying on our tribe for support. We feel comfortable investing our time and energy in the members of our tribe, and are equally comfortable allowing them to invest their resources in our development.”
I have several tribes that I love being part of, some are closer than others. But the one I need the most right now, the one that I was thinking of while I was reading this essay, is my Breast Cancer Support Group. They are the acceptance I need still, even coming up on three years past my initial diagnosis. Almost two years past my active treatment. And 9 months since I was let go from my job. They are the support that allow me to voice my concerns for my future, the part of me that has a calm but fearful knowing what my future may hold for me. They listen without judgement, with no feedback that I must think or act differently. They love unconditionally, with my flaws, my hopes, my dreams, my triumphs and my weaknesses.
I love all my tribes. The women and men I formed connections with through my work, the strong and agile thinking people who have upheld me through my career. These intelligent and loving individuals who challenged me to be better, to grow and learn. These people, whose friendships I still cherish, even though I don’t get to see them or interact with them as often as I would like, I still feel my connections to them, and when I least expect it, they are popping up in my world, to remind me that I still have them with me.
Then there is my faire tribe. The people who accept my nerdy, dress up and play side. The part of me that loves to play make believe, and sew fantastic costumes so I can feel pretty in my make believe. They give me an extended family to love and be loved. The ones who cheer me on in my normal life, even though I only really get to be with them during my “fantasy” life. I love them and I am ever so grateful that I have them with me always. Even during this pandemic that keeps us physically apart, I have them with me, a Facebook post, a message, a phone call, an email away.
And of course there is my family, my blood tribe. The ones I am connected to through blood and bone, spirit and familial attachment. The ones I know will always be there, holding me when I need it most. Knowing I am holding them when they need it. The ones I have gone through the highs and lows of life with; the ones I have argued with and still come back to their love. The ones I have hurt beyond belief, but have forgiven me when my pain and confusion in life made me lash out in such horrible ways. The ones who understand me the most, and accept me with all my other tribes in tow. I have brought many of my tribes to my family and they have been accepted with open arms, because they are my tribes. I love my family for this, for always accepting my tribes when I bring them home with me. I love that my family loves and accepts me always.
I love my tribes, all my tribes, and right now my Breast Cancer Support Group, even after all this time, is the tribe I currently rely on the most. And I am ever so grateful for this tribe.
Life is Finding Your Tribes