Friday, July 20 – I’m not imagining it!

Paint night was fun, hot, but fun.  The room they had us in at Great Society Cider and Mead in Long Beach did not seem to have any AC.  We got there early and had some roasted Brussels sprouts tossed in Ponzu Sauce.  We also had a great cider called Ginergrass.  It was made with Ginger and Lemon Grass. It was light and dry.  Perfect for a hot night.

As I stated yesterday, the picture we would be attempting to recreate was of Koi – swimming in a pond.  The instructor for the night was great, and walked us through the painting starting with outlining the Lily pads, then the fish, then the rocks.  We started building up from there.  I was enjoying myself and not too worried about the actual outcome of my picture.  Had a blast just learning the process for replicating this type of painting!

After we were done, Heather drove me home and we picked up the printed copies of my before and after surgery pictures of my breasts.  We took them along with my burning bowl and some sage and drove to a secluded spot with lots of dirt so we could do a burning of said pictures with sage so I could clear my grief and bring on acceptance of my new me.  I prayed and asked the universe to help lift the mantle of sadness I have been carrying with me and fill me with light, joy and love.  I also took a bottle of my favorite whiskey and gave some to the earth to show I am willing to sacrifice something I love as well.  I did sacrifice half my boobs in order to live, but that kind of sacrifice did not feel right in this setting.  I buried the ashes from the burning than poured a healthy serving of the whiskey over the grave.  Goodbye my old boobs.  Hello new me.

After the burning, I felt like a little more of that heavy mantle of grief had been lifted.  It is a process, and I am using all the tools I have to get me through this.  I also asked for help with this unrest I am feeling over radiation.  When I was getting ready for bed, I noted as I was applying the Aquaphor to my right breast, it really is getting pink.  I was not imagining this.  I even sent a picture to my friend Linda to confirm I am not imagining the pink.  So much for the two weeks that the nurse told us before the effects would start to show up.  I can just imagine what it will look like this time next week.  Other than my nipple feeling a bit irritated, no other issues.

 

This morning I met up with Linda to walk at Madrona Marsh.  It was her first time there.  Despite her bad hip, she enjoyed the walk and was the first to spot a fuzzy caterpillar.  I found the next one, they both were the same kind.  She was also the good luck charm for actually seeing Snowy Egrets today and

 

 

 

 

being able to capture a picture of them.  All too soon we had to end our walk as I had to stop at the store to pick up foods for Deda and Max, who are arriving tomorrow for a quick visit and so Max can learn to knit.  I also had some cleaning that needed to get done as well as trim up my hair (it was starting to feel a bit hot), before we had to leave for today’s treatment session.

My laptop has stopped charging and is dead.  I ordered a new cord, hoping that was the issue as I had been receiving the occasional error screen that my laptop was not recognizing the power adapter, but it was still charging.  I received the new cord today, but that is not the issue.  Looks like the laptop will have to be taken into Geek Squad to see if they can fix it.  I hope so; the laptop was working fine until that little issue!  Using my back up ‘puter now.  It has issues….  but gets me to the interwebs.

I finished cleaning, and took the trimmer to my head.  I had Robert help me with the trim around my ears, and I was ready to shower.  Yup, boob is definitely looking pink.  I applied more aloe and Miaderm after my shower, and applied my temporary tattoo for the techs viewing pleasure.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Today that hallway didn’t seem quite as long.  Maybe my offering and burning last night did help.  My dragon also didn’t seem to stir even a little bit as I made that walk today.

As I changed back into my clothes in the little changing room, and applied the calendula cream and then the Miaderm-L, it seemed my right breast was just a little pinker.  In addition, this afternoon it started suddenly feeling a little heavier.  This is strange, as since the surgeries, both my breasts feel so light and foreign to me.  Even when I walk around without one of my tanks on after I have changed into pajamas, they don’t have that same heavy fullness I had been used to feeling.  So, for my right breast to suddenly feel a little heavier was disconcerting.  I have heard that some women experience swelling in the radiation treated breast during therapy.  Maybe that is what is starting to happen, since I am already starting to pink up.  My breast doesn’t seem to be any bigger, but who knows.  My nipple is still feeling irritated.  Like it’s been rubbing on rough material a little too long.  Not painful, but a little distracting.

Glad I have a weekend break on therapy.  It’s already getting old having to drive over to the hospital every day.  One week down, five to go.

I have been doing well with the Noom app, keeping up with eating regularly and eating more vegetable-based diet.  My current goal is to make one vegetarian main dish a week for me to eat during the week.   I keep offering access to this food to Robert, but he keeps turning it down and eating his ham sandwiches, chips, fruit and brownie bites.

Deda and Max arrive EARLY tomorrow, so I need to finish up and make sure I get to bed early.

Life is managing the effects as they arise