Thursday October 19 – Wake up surprise

As I do almost every morning upon waking, I feel the lump.  Some of you may have noticed when I first started this, I was capitalizing T and L in the lump, but I made a conscience decision to not let the lump have that much control in my life.  I should not give the lump that much emphasis, meaning or consideration.  It is an invader, extraneous, undesirable, and I will do EVERYTHING in my power to kill it.  It is nothing, lower than fungi, which the middle child insists is the lowest of life forms on this planet.

So, as I was palpating the lump it felt smaller,  not just softer.  I held my breath, and started over again.  I start on the left edge and slowly move my fingers towards the right, to the other edge.  Yes, that does not seem as wide.  I start over again, this time leaving one finger tip to mark the left edge, and slowly walk the next finger towards the right edge and plant it.  I then bring in my other hand to lay a finger between the two to get a “knuckle” measurement.  Yes, the width is smaller.  I repeat these steps for the length, same process, knuckle measurement.  I am not imagining this, the lump is smaller!

It was overnight!  I swear, I palpate the lump multiple times a day.  It’s SMALLER!!!!!  I jumped up and went to find hubby.  He was already in his office working.  I always knock when he’s in his office, I don’t want to disturb a train of thought or something he’s having to concentrate on to get correct. He acknowledged and asked why I was there before 6 AM.  I walk right up to him raise my right arm and said feel.  He looked at me slightly confused, but did as I told him.

He gently, tenderly starts palpating the lump.   He takes his time, and just as I had done, finds an edge and works his way to the other.  He starts over, repeats what he has just done.  He then looks up at me after many seconds of this and with astonishment in his eyes, he says “It’s smaller!”  Yes, yes it is!  It’s smaller!!!!!  We laugh and hug.

It’s smaller, it’s smaller, it’s smaller. (This is said in a sing song voice!)  I want to sing, I want to dance, I want to shout it from the mountain tops!  The damn fucking lump is SMALLER!

Now, I need to get on the treadmill and get some exercise before I go clean the bathroom and take a shower (while trying to remember to not face the water, and I dare you to try that, it’s not easy!).

It’s smaller!!!!

Life is celebration.