Thursday, July 5 – Steps

I have been taking the additional 100 mg of Gabapentin for three days now. I have noticed a small difference. It is slight, and my feet and hands still hurt quite a bit, but it is a difference. So much so that I took myself on my “Artist’s Date” this week to a local nature conservatory close to where we live. I have been meaning to go there for months. I had heard about it from one of my favorite baristas. He told me if you go there at dusk you can sometimes see owls heading out for their night of hunting.

The hiking trail through this canyon is not a circle, it requires a trip up and back. There is a 300 ft. elevation change going from the trail head to the final stop at the Elderberry Lookout. I had not planned to hike the entire trail. I had my “No One Fights Alone” water bottle with me, filled with my choice of herbs, a lemon wedge and water. This is my new favorite thing to drink now. Water never tasted so good! I started out on the trail and just kept going. Before I knew it I was at the top, looking out from the final stop on the trail before you hit the bridal path for the horses and their riders to enter the canyon. I made stops along the way at benches provided along the path. I forgot to take a picture from the top, but there was a nice break in the trail about 100 yards back down where I did get a decent picture.

Of course I saw many lizards. I got a really good picture of one.  I was also able to get really good pictures of a butterfly as well as a bee collecting pollen .  I took a picture of myself at one of the benches and took some time to listen to the birds, the wind, and a lizard scurrying through the brush.  The further I walked into the canyon the sounds of the modern world slowly faded away and I was left with my thoughts and nature. I think that was why I just kept going. My feet hurt, but I wasn’t limping yet, I wasn’t ready to start hunching over to try and ward off the pain. I did learn that carrying my water bottle really bothered my hands.

By the time I got back to the trail head I was bargaining and pleading with my feet. Please just let me make it to the car, I promise I will soak you in cold water. I will set you on an ice pack. I will even try adding some of the left over CBD oil to some moisturizer to see if that helps you stop hurting so much. I made it back to the car, and just sat for a good 15 minutes with my feet hanging over the edge of the door sill. I made it home, stripped, showered, put on clean clothes, washed all the dirt out of my shoes, made some lunch and then SAT. I did soak my feet in cold water, which seems to help. I didn’t have the energy or the capacity to deal with anymore pain, so didn’t try the CBD oil mixed with moisturizer. I just wanted to sit and never get up again.

I also purchased an Apple Watch. After researching differences between a Fitbit and the Apple Watches, the deciding factors were Fitbit’s come with preloaded programs, which is all you can have on them, and most are not water resistant. Apple Watch 3 is water resistant has all the same features as a Fitbit, plus I can add apps if needed. It’s more money, but at this point it’s worth it. I am loading up my arsenal with as many tools as I can get to help me meet my goals.

Another weapon I have added to my arsenal is joining NOOM. It’s an app that helps you set little step goals on weight loss and exercise. They assign you a goal specialist, a group coach and a support group. I am on day three. I am liking it so far on the 14 day free trial. After that it is a monthly cost. Per the app I can reach my goal by January.

Today, because the pain in my feet had subsided, I decided to try a smaller walk at Madrona Marsh. It was a lot shorter walk, as there are several cut off trails you can take from the perimeter circuit around the wet land conservation area that takes you through the middle of the wet lands and back to the start of the trail head. I saw a family of Canadian Geese, and stopped for them to walk across the trail through the marsh area. There is still a nice pond where the water fowl can swim and eat water bugs, duck weed and some freshwater shrimp that grow there.  I never lost the sounds of the outside world at this sanctuary, it is surrounded on all four sides by busy city streets, but I did hear more birds, their constant calling was a musical balm to my soul.

Yesterday where I walked over 7000 steps, today I have barely broken 3500 steps. The goal is to work up to 10000 steps a day, but with my neuropathy I am not sure I will be able to do that every day. Gabapentin is helpful, but it’s not something my neurologist wants me to use extensively. She had stated if there are going to be days when I want to do something special, I should take extra on that day, but keep my daily dose as low as possible. I am hoping with adding one more 100 mg dose mid-day tomorrow will provide me just enough relief that I can control the pain in my feet for a moderate day of walking and be able to work with my hands without having to stop every 5 minutes.

The Affirminator card I pulled yesterday was Options, and today I had two, one I picked and one that knocked the one I picked off the table as I was cleaning up the rest of the cards after mixing them around the table – Impermanence was the first one and Authenticity was the second.

The next hurdle I face is Radiation Therapy. Ever since G came to support group and showed us her rash I have been terrified of what will happen to me during treatment. And I have that little niggling worry about DNA damage. Radiation damages DNA, and a very healthy body can repair that DNA. But someone with cancer has already had damaged DNA that did not get repaired in the cell replication process. What happens if I damage more DNA? Some people later develop Thyroid cancer after having gone through radiation therapy. I already had Thyroid cancer, and my thyroid removed, so there is that… Did the radioactive isotope I had to take for the Thyroid cancer lead to my breast cancer?

And don’t get me started on the radiation burn I face. G texted me tonight she only has two more treatments to go. She gets to ring the bell on Monday for her last treatment. She is in pain most of the time and is up to 2.5% Hydrocortisone cream. And that is barely controlling the itch that accompanies the burning pain. She is doing everything she can to keep from having her blisters burst or break her skin before Monday. She is using Miaderm, Aquaphor, the hydrocortisone and aloe vera gel. She said the Aquaphor is very greasy and she slaps it on at night to help her get through the night. She also said she suggests getting extra sleep shirts to help deal with all the greasy cream. Evidently she needed a clean one every day. She only had 20 days of treatment. What the heck am I going to do with 30 days or more? I am envisioning my sea turtle, with a crystal in his shell riding the chaise through space, bringing me back to center.

I have not heard back from Dr. Goldberg’s office yet on when I can immerse myself yet. I want to start scheduling when I can start swimming for exercise so I don’t have to worry about how many steps my feet can take in one day. Steps matter at this point. I want to save my steps for what I really want, like cooking, and going on adventures. Worrying about using my steps to be sure I get my 10,000 in every day is not something I want to deal with right now. When my neuropathy goes away, then I can work on 10,000 steps.

Synchronicity – A lovely women who does contract work for the company I work for reached out to me today to let me know she is a Notary, and if I needed something notarized she would be willing to come to me to help me out. I’ve had my Health Care Advanced Directive sitting here waiting for me to remember to get two non-family members to witness the document do I can put it into effect. This wonderful woman who I admire greatly will notarize this for me so I can stop worrying about it.

Life is filling my arsenal